Zoo News – Book-burning Nazi Lesbians Man our Ports; Yoko as WMD.

What’s this world coming to? An elementary teacher, with a few Christian record albums to her credit, finds at the school a video with the opera Faust on it, shows a few minutes to her students, and all of a sudden she’s a lesbian. Go figure. I thought you had to get an operation or stop brushing your teeth to become one. Just show an opera? Learn something new everyday.

Here’s a good synopsis of the opera. I guess I can see the “devil worshipper” tag they pinned on the elementary teacher – I mean, if you show any interest at all in the devil, you must be worshipping him (I wonder how they feel about Jesus, seeing He is the primary source of our Biblical information on Hell and what’s-his-name-with-the-red-suit-and-horns).

But I still am struggling with this lesbian tag. Think, think, think … ah, I got it! Follow me on this. She’s a chick, right? You can’t be a lesbian unless you’re a chick. She gives voice lessons and she’s a little overweight. See the pic in the article? Uh? Are we on to something here? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Nod’s as a good as a wink to a blind horse. Know what I mean, know what I mean? Say no more, say no more. I bet some doofus came on to her and she refused! That’s it! Single girl. Little overweight. Needy. Refused Mr. Doofus? Gotta be a lesbian. Devil-worshipping lesbian! Maybe that’s why Monsieur Doofus has been scratching and itching lately – devil powder cast from afar!

Bennett, Colorado. Where men are men, ships are made of wood, and sheep are scared. How pathetic.

A United Nations guard put a swastika on a log sheet that was later viewed by an Israeli guard. The UN doofus (today’s favorite word) got a letter of reprimand and sensitivity training. If only the training was conducted by the State of Israel in one of its interrogation rooms. I guess the Nazis never quite left the UN after Kurt Wilhelm’s tenure as Secretary General. Wouldn’t it be fun to take the anti-Semitic crowd and let them get a mass orientation to sensitivity at a camp in Germany for, say, three years? The camp could teach them vocational skills in machine shops, how to shower and sleep in groups, and how to lose weight on negative-calorie diets. It would be enlightening.

Here’s a claim that same-sex marriage in Sweden leads to demands for gender-neutral, multi-partner relationships. I’ve got enough trouble finding a moral basis for James and Robert to be married, without throwing another guy and maybe two women into the mix. Why fiddle with the details? Let’s all get married. Every one of us. One marriage. We’ll stay at my place; it’s got a guest room. Bring your pets and extra batteries. It’s going to be a long night.

You would think that that funny little guy running North Korea (who, btw, is shorter than Prince, if you can believe that) were going to run the Federal Reserve the way the dems are arguing about the Arabs running some of our ports. But here is some sanity on the topic. First, we didn’t go offering anything to anybody. Our ports are managed by a British firm. That firm is being bought out by an Arab firm. We are allowing the novation of the port-management contracts to the new owners. No big deal.

Second, it is just a topic ripe for political posturing. Common words over the last few years – our ports are vulnerable. “Look at all the closed containers coming in. It’s a wonder nothing has happened yet.” Have any change proposed by W in how things are handled and the junk-yard dems will scream and holler just to position themselves for what they see as the inevitable breach of security. They are positioning themselves to capitalize on failure. Sedition. Hang ‘em all and let God sort them.

Um, excuse me, um, Mr. Legacy Media Man, would you be so kind as to read this? It seems that W is a patient man. He’s let the card game unfold on its timeframe, not the emotional clock of the players. It seems that Saddam kept great records!

An excerpt from the article reads so well: “In Iraq's case, there were so many documents and records that even now only a small fraction have been translated and analyzed.

“Among them are 12 hours of conversations from the early 1990s through 2000 between Hussein and his top advisers. They reveal, among other things, how Iraq was working on an advanced method of enriching uranium, how Iraq was conspiring to deceive U.N. inspectors regarding weapons of mass destruction and how these weapons might be used against the U.S.”

The article has no by-line, but I think the author writes very clearly. Don’t you?

W was right. WMD stockpiles. Nigerian uranium. Deceiving Scott Ritter (horrors!). How much do we wager that the Legacy Media will do nothing with this story until it is proved twenty ways from Sunday? Kinda sorta inconsistent with them running with other stories that cast W in a bad light based solely on some drunk in Soho, eh? And they wonder why we point and laugh at them when they get hurt.

The title of this story caught my attention – “Ono hits 100th goal of Zico reign.” Frankly, I thought Yoko was back in the news. Maybe she transcended primal scream and found some guru named Zico and had reached some Nirvana plane at the 100th something or other. I guess I was thinking about her because her birthday was the other day (is she 84 or something?) and that wisecrack she made about Paul’s songs being simple rhymes. Funny coming from a woman who wrote Don't stick your finger in my pie; You know I'll see through your jive and Yes, I'm so pretty; You're so dizzy; And we're so happy every day; Let's make a wish; And let it come true for us; Tra, la, la, la, la. Makes Maxwell’s Silver Hammer seem deep.

Zoo News - Gay Iraqi Pullout

This is just too good to pass up. In an article partially entitled, “’Brokeback’ riding high,” we learn that Jake Gyllenhaal won best supporting actor for playing Jack Twist, one of two cowpokes who fall in love in Wyoming. I thought that in this sense, “cowpoke” was a verb. (Article)

Also, now that they managed this movie through as few theatres as they could, managing the media up to Oscar nomination time, now it is set free to flounder. And floundering it is. Look at the theatre counts to start – 5, 8, 69. Revenue managed up by limiting access to carefully selected markets (wanna guess the criteria?). A week before Oscars – late January – it makes its big move … and descends like a 747 Heavy making an approach at JFK. Just over $200 per screen – that’s about 25 people, maybe 30? Big Momma’s House 2 is going to bring in more money. Johnny Cash has buried the movie. Stop acting like we care. The people that have seen the movie give it a “B.” It’s about gay cowboys, for god’s sake. Christian’s so no, Muslims say no, the bar crowd says no (at least the bars I frequent). Who’s left? John Kerry supporters? Obviously not all of them. Onward.

This seems a little extreme. Right-wing British historian David Irving was convicted in Austria on Monday of denying the Holocaust - a crime in this country once run by the Nazis - and was sentenced to three years in prison.

Irving, 67, who had pleaded guilty and insisted during his one-day trial that he had a change of heart and now acknowledged the Nazis' World War II slaughter of 6 million Jews, had faced up to 10 years behind bars for the offense. (Article)

I never doubted the Holocaust. Why should I? Read the Bible. The Jews have been kicked around forever. Doubt the Bible? Then explain to me how Israel came back into existence, how the Jews stayed a unified people through centuries of not having a country. My great uncle (after whom I was named) was in the medical corps and was first on scene at a camp.

If we are going to call the Muslims a little cranky for the Toon Riots, maybe we should allow free speech here, too? The foundation for free speech is to be able to speak your opinion; we don’t have to listen to you – but you can speak.

One more step: Iran and China have been discussing a major energy deal that would involve the swap of oil for technology.

Western diplomatic sources said the two countries have been examining an agreement that would make Iran the leading oil supplier to China. The sources said the long-term deal was valued at $100 billion. (Article)

We mentioned the evolving relationship between Iran and China yesterday. I wonder if Taiwan and Israel are now going to get their knickers in a bunch.

After months of trying unsuccessfully to develop a common message on the war in Iraq, Democratic Party leaders are beginning to coalesce around a broad plan to begin a quick withdrawal of US troops and install them elsewhere in the region, where they could respond to emergencies in Iraq and help fight terrorism in other countries.

The concept, dubbed ''strategic redeployment," is outlined in a slim, nine-page report coauthored by a former Reagan administration assistant Defense secretary, Lawrence J. Korb, in the fall. It sets a goal of a phased troop withdrawal that would take nearly all US troops out of Iraq by the end of 2007, although many Democrats disagree on whether troop draw-downs should be tied to a timeline.(Article)

These people bounce around a room with their pants at their ankles until some idea comes up that helps them form a daisy chain, and then they merrily bounce in unison until they fall over the cliff like a bunch of lemmings. No wonder they lose elections.

Guys, listen up! Pull that thing outta the guy in front of you. Pull your pants up. Sit down. We leave Iraq when the job is done. Our strategic presence is going to be inside Iraq – not close by in Kuwait. Maybe we’ll do both. But leave Iraq? Think it through, ladies. Broken window syndrome. A little lawlessness becomes a lot of lawlessness. Remember? Move to another country and respond only to “emergencies” and pretty soon we are trying to define “emergencies.”

I can’t believe how shallow your analysis can be sometimes. You people just float this to see if the public bites, right? I mean, you don’t actually think it’s a good idea, do you?

Oh boy, here we go again: Britain's largest Hindu group launched a campaign on Monday targeting a major Hollywood studio over a French comedy film which, it alleges, mocks a revered Hindu god.

In a statement, the Hindu Forum of Britain said Les Bronzes 3: Amis Pour La Vie shows the main characters swearing, laughing and tearing up images of Lord Shiva. (Article)

Come on, guys, you got like 14 of these gods or deities or whatever you call them.

Hey, if we can have the image of John Wayne desecrated by a movie about gay cowboys, you can have one of your gods be on the receiving end of a few jokes. Ever see Life of Brian? Did you laugh? See what I mean? Lighten up. Always look at the bright side of life.

You people out there need to relax. Nobody really cares what you think or what is important to you. If Christianity does it for you (as it does for me), you are free to reject it and burn in hell for all eternity. If you think I am going to relive life over and over again until I get it right, as Hindus and other believe, then I guess I am already in hell. If you think I am an infidel because I think PBUH suggests a blue hat with horns on the sides and an erotic cartoon featuring Fred Flintstone in a daisy chain, then so be it.

But don’t go killing people over your religious beliefs. Houses are tough enough to come by – don’t destroy someone’s home because they think your fourteen gods are fragments from an LSD holiday. Soon enough, in the longer scheme of things, we will all die a natural death and then we’ll see what is on the other side. If it is just a rebirth, then I hope you all do better the next time around. If it is 72 virgins, then put on your blue hat and party. If it is Heaven or waiting for the judgment day from afar, then let’s hope you’re on my side of those pearly gates.

Between now and then, relax. Have a cup of tea. Meditate. Hum or whatever you do with your legs all bunched up in a knot. Why do you have to worry about revenge? If your god does exist and you are right, then he (or she) can handle retribution so much better than you anyway.

Zoo News - Chavez & Toons

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez on Sunday warned Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice not to "mess with" him days after Rice described Venezuela as a menace to regional democracy in the midst of tense diplomatic relations between the two countries.

"Don't mess with me Condoleezza. Don't mess with me, girl," Chavez said during his weekly Sunday broadcast, sarcastically offering her a kiss and jokingly referring to her as "Condolence." (Article)

A-HA HA HA HA HA, O-HEE HEE HEE HEE, GAFFAW! SNORT SNORT SNORT. STOP IT, YOU’RE KILLING ME! OH MY! OH WOW! Ah, ow, my side hurts! Oh, my. OK, I’ll stop. I can’t figure out which is funnier – the phallically challenged Chavez’s words or ABC labeling them a “warning.” Oh, my eyes hurt from laughing so much!

Throughout the BBC's section on Islam you will see Peace be upon Him or (pbuh) after the name Muhammad.

Muslims say Peace be upon Him after every mention of Muhammad's name, as a mark of respect. Muslims do the same when they write the Prophet's name, adding pbuh. (Article)

Hey! So it isn’t a Fred Flintstone reference after all. You learn something new everyday. God, I love life.

PBUH. Muhammad, peanut butter under honey. His favorite sandwich! Muhammad, purposefully ban undergarment holidays. Never ride free? Muhammad, pickles bun unsalted ham. A Muslim Big Mac!

Stop? Not until you recognize Israel and stop targeting Christians.

Muhammad, prophet but unchristian hack. I guess that puts a fine point on it. When you all start to act in a way that deserves respect, you all will get respect. Until then, enjoy acting out like children but don’t expect to be treated like adults. Okey dokey?

HUNDREDS of angry Muslims ransacked two churches in southern Pakistan today before setting them on fire after allegations that a Christian had desecrated the Koran, police and officials said.

No one was injured in the attack, they said.

The protesters ransacked two churches in the city of Sukkur, about 480km north of the provincial capital, Karachi, Sindh provincial government spokesman Salahuddin Haider said.

"They partly set the two churches on fire," Sukkur district police chief Aftab Halipoto said by telephone, adding that a school at one of the churches had been damaged.

The trouble erupted after accusations that the Christian had thrown pages of the Muslim holy book in a dustbin, Mr Haider said. (Article)

Where was I? Oh, yeah – Muhammad, partially burned unmanned houses. Losers.

About 400 hardline Muslim protestors attacked the U.S. Embassy in Jakarta with rocks, tomatoes and eggs, claiming that the United States was on a mission to destroy Islam.

In speeches, members of the Islamic Defenders Front, a Muslim vigilante group, said that U.S. President George W. Bush had supported the publication of cartoons depicting the Prophet Muhammad in European newspapers. (Article)

Oh, ow! Stop it! Eggs and rocks! That hurts! Then you talk and say we support freedom of speech and freedom of the press regardless of whether we agree with the substance of the message! We published a cartoon with a bomb into a guy’s hair! Oh, you are so articulate and, and mean!

Muhammad, putting barns under houses. Yeah, makes about as much sense your reaction. Go pound sand.

Zoo News Talk

Reading the news can be so boring. The same lethargic poking of issues: Pubs and dems position for 2006, one has money and the other doesn’t; Cheney wears a pink tie to the Fox interview and WaPo writes almost 500 words on it; Kentucky coal miners don’t want no stinking Mexicans in the mines (yeah, really! Amazing. And these people think we should hold unions in esteem?).

How many people actually read newspapers? The New York Times is a bit over a million. I don’t put much stock in their “Other” column and check this report – note that it is largest circ, so the NYT number is the same number as the previous link for Sunday. The Sunday paper is a wholly different beast from regular readership. I buy a Sunday paper – for the coupons and, literally, never turn a single page.

Sucked back into the news momentarily, here’s a rational Muslim speaking about the Toon Riots. A decent read if you give a rip, but overall boring because it is based on principle and reason. No gif files of women dancing out of their burkas.

Did you know Al Qaeda had bylaws? Here’s some salary information:

“Fourth: Salaries. The principle of sufficiency is approved with the following details: A- Bachelors: Authorize for them a basic monthly salary of 1,000 Rupees. B - Married individuals: 1- Authorize for them a basic monthly salary of 6,500 Rupees. 2- The sum of 300 Rupees is added per child. 3- Add the sum of 700 Rupees per wife in case of multi-wives. 4- Approve a 10% annual increment of the basic salary for cost of living increase.”

The COLA is good, but seems to apply to only married guys (B-4). Is that because bachelors are expected to blow up before their annual review date? Inflation runs 3% or so – ah, but that is here. Don’t know and don’t care what it is in the caves of Pakistan. Does the price of dung for fire go up every year?

1,000 Rupees per month for bachelors. I am presuming Indian Rupees, so that is $22.56US. Ouch!! Good thing you are amoral and just rape your date instead of having to wine and dine. The latter can get expensive without any guaranty of action.

Look at the incentive for propagating. Add a wife, pump out a kid – another 1,000 Rupees a month! There isn’t a maximum in the section, either. Maybe you could rack up a pretty good living as a jihad-guy. I wonder what the catch is.

Zoo News: Meet the Flintstones

Former US president Bill Clinton on Friday condemned the publication of Prophet Muhammad’s (PBUH) caricatures by European newspapers and urged countries concerned to convict the publishers. Talking to reporters after meeting Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz in Islamabad, Clinton said he disagreed with the caricatures and that the publication was against religious and ethical norms. (Article)

PBUH? Isn’t that Fred Flintstone’s title – Grand PBUH? Is it a term of endearment for the prophet, like Christians saying Davey or Buddhists, buddy? And who is Clinton to refer to “religious and ethical norms”? I can still see the pic of BJ leaving church on Easter Sunday, Holy Bible in his hand, on his way back to the White House for a bj – kinda violates religious AND ethical norms all in one shot. Good shooting, cowpoke!

Maryland borders Pennsylvania, which borders Ohio, which borders Michigan. In that swath of America, extending 950 miles from the shores of the Chesapeake Bay to the shores of Lake Superior, this year's politics could produce a remarkable quartet of Republican victories -- black U.S. senators from Maryland (Michael Steele, who now is lieutenant governor) and Michigan (Keith Butler, former Detroit city councilman and currently pastor of a suburban church with a congregation of 21,000), and black governors in Pennsylvania (Lynn Swann, the former Pittsburgh Steeler) and Ohio (Ken Blackwell, currently secretary of state). (Article)

Black republicans? Who’da tunk? Let’s see. One of the Gumble boys – the one with the attitude and HBO show – said that the lack of black athletes made the Olympics look like a GOP convention. Republican Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves; Democrat Andrew Johnson refused to support legislation. Republicans pushed through the 1964 Civil Rights Act; Democrat Al Gore, Sr., sought to defeat it. Democrats pushed through the Judicial Improvement Act that opened prison labor to the United States to interstate commerce for the first time since the 1930s. You people figure it out – who’s giving you a handout and who’s giving you a hand up? Who’s keeping you working enough jobs to be poor and who’s reducing your taxes? I’m tired of the whining. Look at the facts honestly. Do your research.

I usually enjoy doing more stories. But as I read and read, all I found was more whining and pathetic victimology. Complaints to postpone New Orleans elections until all the displaced voters can return? Screw you – get an absentee ballot. China worried about Taiwan and Israel doubling trade since 1997 to $1BN? And what have you – Communist China – done about your trade since then? You are up to $125BN with us alone. You tripled in the 1990s. So you think Taiwan is going to find an ally in Israel? And you in Iran? Your whining is so, um, girly. Get a grip!

There is some light, although it is red. The real girls are having an open house. Sex shops in Amsterdam are open for inspection: Thousands of tourists and Dutch visitors took up the offer by the district's sex clubs and topless bars to step in for a free drink and a look around to counteract the establishments' seedy reputation.

Women allowed visitors into the cubicles where they conduct their business to explain hygiene regulations and the alarm system used when a prostitute encounters a difficult customer. (Article)

“Hey, Mommy, what’s that sm---?”

“Shush, Johnny. Forgive him, ma’am, he’s not used to such things as, well, you know. The couch looks comfortable! Tell me, are those trick handcuffs or the real thing?”

Ah, nothing like enlightened Europeans to show us the nuanced way of life.

Zoo News Friday

Former US president Bill Clinton said on Friday that printing cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed was a mistake but that violent protests by Muslims have wasted a chance to build bridges with the West. Clinton was speaking in Pakistan -- the scene of some of the worst rallies against the drawings -- where he was visiting survivors of last year's South Asian earthquake and launching an HIV/AIDS project. (Article)

This guy is like a social disease. You think you found the cure, you think everyone knows to avoid it, but then it crops up in the oddest places. Here he is in his finest STD mode: The publishers were wrong; I agree with you. The extremists were wrong; I agree with you moderates. Have BJ go to Brussels and his speech would ring of freedom of speech and of the press. Have him speak at the annual Terrorists International convention and he would talk of needing to espouse extreme views to effect change in a stoic world. “Tell me who you are and I’ll find a view that makes you happy.” Not a bad slogan for a guy that loves bad food and worse women.

For at least two decades, the Korean War-era shell sat in the front yard. It wasn't so dangerous a lawn ornament as it might have been it had no fuse. (Article)

No, I didn’t cut-n-paste wrongly. ABC News via AP just can’t edit well. Morons.

As an ACLU lawyer, Mark Brewer once defended the Ku Klux Klan's right to speak, but the Democratic State Party chairman now is asking Michigan Republicans to muzzle conservative commentator Ann Coulter. Brewer called on Republicans to disavow Coulter's most recent controversial comments -- twice calling Arabs "ragheads" -- and demanded that gubernatorial candidate Dick DeVos and others keep her from making upcoming Michigan stops on her speaking circuit, including Grand Rapids next month. (Article)

You gotta love the ACLU. They’ll spend millions to defend a liberal’s rights to fart in front of the Queen as a form of self expression, but toss in a conservative – and whoa, free speech? Are you crazy? That chick has to stay quiet. Why does Atty. Brewer change his ethics based upon his job title? How, um, pathetic.

RUSSIA plunged deeper into the maelstrom of Middle Eastern politics yesterday, saying it might sell arms to the Palestinians after talks with Hamas in Moscow early next month. (Article)

There you are … we spoke of that over the last week or two, remember? The Russians will fill the void. Iraq and Palestine. Oh well. It’ll take a few years before the Russians will have the balls to actually locate forces in Palestine. It will happen, but not for a while.

Richard Dreyfuss, the actor who starred in movies ranging from "Jaws" to "Mr. Holland's Opus," told an audience in Washington, D.C., on Thursday that "there are causes worth fighting for," and one of those is the impeachment of President George W. Bush. (Article)

Oh my, you have to read the whole thing! I can’t imagine how his words can be heard with his head stuck so far into his anal canal. Maybe he passed out written comments then mimed them as he rolled around the stage in a very personal circle. If he could manage to stand, it would brig to mind Sesame Street and th voiceover, “brought to you by the Number 9.”

Direct quotes - "Watch me lose my sense of humor if people accuse me of treason," Dreyfuss said before mocking two of the Fox News Channel's most popular hosts. "'That's not very O'Reilly of you, Mister Smarty-Pants,' or 'What would Sean Hannity have to say about that, Mister Too-Complex-for-Your-Own-Good?'"

It’s an implied threat from a numeral. “Too-Complex”? Richard, buddy, trust me, the words never came to mind. Too short? Yes. Take yourself too seriously? Yes. Surround yourself with people that won’t tell you that you’re wearing no clothes? Yes. “Smarty-Pants”? How old are you?

I can’t believe these people. Complete idiots. Funny, but idiots. Alec Baldwin said Cheney is a terrorist. Consistently funny.

Zoo News Quickie

Dr. Aaron Fine, the head of Israel's Tatzpit polling agency told Arutz-7 Sunday that 75% of the public refuses to take part in polls, rendering poll results nearly useless. Dr. Fine posits that a much larger percentage of those who intend on voting for right-wing and religious parties refuse to answer pollsters than other voters. "They don’t like polls, they don't like the media and they want them to just leave them alone." (Article)

They took a poll and found out that people don't participate in polls. There is something deeply cynical about that result.

Zoo News Review

Apt title for a review of current events. Remember the New Zoo Review? It was a few decade before Barney but just as mindless. Onward.

Former German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder, a fierce critic of the Bush administration, said Saturday that he's pulling for U.S. Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton to win the White House. "I'd be very pleased if Hillary Clinton would become the next American president," Schroeder said to applause from a largely Saudi audience. (Article)

What I find interesting about this quote is not the profound stupidity and lack of grace of a former head of state commenting on the internal politics of another country, but the forum he chose. First, it was Saudi Arabia. A country important to the US. So numb-nuts takes a backdoor swipe at the current American administration. As I said, no grace, even less class. But then – get this – he is suggesting that a woman run the US. Here is what he was seeing in the audience: Schroeder made the statement during a discussion of global women leaders at a gender-segregated theater where a plastic barrier separated women from men. Wow. I wonder if it would enhance or diminish the audience reaction if they knew Hillary was lesbian. If she is elected, she’ll have a much more difficult time sneaking away for weekend to NYC as she did when Bubba was in office.

Illinois would become the first state to offer universal pre-kindergarten for all 3- and 4-year-old children, under an election year proposal Gov. Blagojevich will announce today, officials said Saturday. Under the five-year "Preschool For All" initiative, all Illinois families would have the option of sending their children to state-funded preschool, an opportunity long pushed by education researchers and advocates as critical for children. (Article)

An election-year proposal. An election-year proposal. An election-year proposal. Let’s see. Illinois has 12.7 million people, of which 7.1% is under five years of age. Assume that half are age 3 or 4. That is 450,000 children eligible under this election-year proposed program.

The American Federation of Teachers says it costs $7,300 per kid to provide high quality pre-Kindergarten to. For 450K kids, that is $3.3 billion.

For FY2006, Illinois spent $6.1 billion on education. They got an additional $2.1 billion from the feds. Add over three billion dollars? Election-year proposal. What a joke. Why do these people promise things they can never deliver?

It also ignores the entire industry of day-care and private pre-school. A lot of those folks will be driven out of business so that big daddy government can do it better. Pathetic. Spend your money on vouchers for parents to select the place to send their kids. Don’t create a new bureaucracy that grows the department of education by 50%.

From Europe's biggest-selling newspaper, the Sun: ''Furious Muslims have blasted adult shop [i.e., sex shop] Ann Summers for selling a blowup male doll called Mustafa Shag." Not literally "blasted" in the Danish Embassy sense, or at least not yet. Quite how Britain's Muslim Association found out about Mustafa Shag in order to be offended by him is not clear. It may be that there was some confusion: given that "blowup males" are one of Islam's leading exports, perhaps some believers went along expecting to find Ahmed and Walid modeling the new line of Semtex belts. Instead, they were confronted by just another filthy infidel sex gag. The Muslim Association's complaint, needless to say, is that the sex toy "insults the Prophet Muhammad -- who also has the title al-Mustapha.'' (Article)

The article calls Muslims, “Toon Deaf.” Spot on. Muslims are blowing it big time. They should suck it up and move on. Their need to orally vent their enlarged frustration is embarrassing. The problem is hardened, ironically, by the flaccid European response. If Europe had a set of cahones maybe the Muslims would refrain from this throbbing orgasm of emotion spreading through the world like syphilis in Paris before penicillin. There are places they can put their members and allow a daisy chain of expression without forcing the rest of us to grab our chastity belts: I see a place where the beach front goes miles inland and the camels are willing partners.

Saddam Hussein and the seven co-defendants in his trial are to start a hunger strike on Monday, the former Iraqi president's defense team said on Sunday, citing sources inside the detention center where they are being held. (Article)

And this is news because … ? Let’s see, we save on food. Check. We save on rope otherwise needed to hand them. Check. We save on toiletry supplies. Check. We save on housing because they’ll be dead rather than appealing. Check. We save on casket size. Check. We save on labor to dig a smaller hole. Check. Go Saddam! You’re the man! But you can’t start now, can you? You want to eat one more day, eh? Your actions reveal your agenda, buddy. Too bad the press will be mindless accomplices by giving us daily updates. It would serve everyone better if the next piece of news was a short blurb in the Obits – Hussein, Saddam. Passed last evening from starvation. His lips were cracked and bleeding, his stomach distended. His eyes were milky white and his hair was long since fallen out. His last words came three days ago. He stated simply, “Look, Mom, no hands.” He died with his favorite music playing, Patsy Cline’s “Crazy,” over and over again on a continuous loop. Donations in lieu of flowers can be sent to your local fire company. Saddam often said how he missed riding around Baghdad in is fire truck.

What a loser. A hunger strike as a protest. Don’t waste my time.

Iran is prepared to launch attacks using long-range missiles, secret commando units, and terrorist allies planted around the globe in retaliation for any strike on the country's nuclear facilities, according to new US intelligence assessments and military specialists. (Article)

Yeah. OK. And Saddam was going to fight the “mother of all battles.” The only reason it took two days to take Baghdad is because the Chinese take-out order for the US Army 1st Calvary Division was so large it was delayed several hours.

And Ghaddafi (how ever he spells these does) drew a line in the waters and told Reagan not to cross it. “You crossed my line! OK. New line. Don’t cross THIS one! OOHHH YYOOUU! OK, last line.”

Israel slaps them back in seven days.

I’m struggling here – have they ever won a war? Even when they fight themselves, like the Iraq-Iran War, they just stop after several years. They had a war and no one won. Amazing.

Just writing ...

I looked over the storied gathered on http://www.lucianne.com/ and remember why I bailed on tracking politics. Some comments should make it clear.

“Iran threat to leave nuke treaty.” Was it ever really complying? Didn’t the Russian Foreign Minister saying he couldn’t understand why the West was so concerned about Iran having nukes vitiate the UN Security Council call for a review? Iran knows Russia is backing them. It is nothing but a Cold War chess match. The US is strong in Iraq and Afghanistan. Lebanon is off the table to everyone for now. Syria is coming into the US gun sights. Russia moves into Iran and Palestine. On the latter, Hamas says it wants to disengage its economy from that non-entity Israel (how does one disengage from nothing?) and the US has tossed around withholding funding because we finally realized Arafat stole more than he distributed. Russia will be more than happy to fill the void.

“Privacy fears hit Google search.” So the Internet collects publicly available information and presents it in easy to read form? Wow. Who’da tunk? And now Google is extending its collection ability to your desktop – if you ask. But that information is not released to the net. But Google does store it briefly on their servers. Um, you want the service or not? It’s voluntary, a-hole. You should worry more about the personal information you throw in the garbage (a technology that pre-existed the Internet, btw) than what you store on your computer. People are starving in sub-Sahara Africa and you’re all pissy because you store your SSN on your laptop so you hit the little form fill-in button on IE, and now big bad Google may pass that information through its servers. Wow. Do us all a favor – change the beneficiary on your life insurance to UNICEF, make sure you are outside the suicide exclusion clause, and go play in the traffic.

“Sharon ‘Will Die Today.’” See? Some people have real problems.

“Carter Allowed Surveillance in 1977.” Jimmah says surveillance of enemies in wartime is ok. If’n the war was a real one, like the democratic-inspired Southeast Asia Wargames (we took home the Silver Medal!). But now, Jimmah condemns W for doing it. Jimmah says that y’all can’t go doing no wiretapping unless you tell a judge or Congress. But, Jimmah, Brother Jimmah, y’all wrote the guidelines used to authorize W’s surveillance! You’re old and stupid, Jimmah. Go sit on the porch. We’ll tell ya when dinner’s ready. No, I don’t wanna hear about no Iranian hostage rescue thang and how y’all scared those Iranians so much they just released them but out of spite waited until the day you left office.

“The Shoe (Bomb) on the Other Foot.” This Newsweek Alter guy is such a child. We exchanged a few public comments a year or two ago. He took a tiny piece of my e – out of context – and made some pithy comment. It was cute and designed to pit my emotional words against his intellect. My full text was not emotional in the least. Whatever. It made him feel good. There’s value there, eh? The premise of this story is that CIA guy Goss thinks the NYT shouldn’t publish secrets (on-going surveillance programs directed at declared enemies) but his authority has been undercut by W who announced that four years ago some arrests in Indonesia undermined an attacked planned against the LA. Hunh? Slow news week, eh Newsweek? Anything to make W look bad. You wanna see something bad? Get a colon cleansing kit and start poking around your stool. That’s bad, Johnny. Listening in to enemy phone calls is good.

“Terror Link of ‘Moderate’ Muslims at London Rally.” Oh my god! These clowns freak out over a few cartoons and we’re supposed to be sympathetic? Wow. It’s like dealing with kindergarten kids claiming the carrots sticks aren’t crisp enough so we should burn the teachers like witches. We’re supposed to take these idiots seriously? They aren’t rioting in the US, are they? They’d be treated like the criminals they are. Europe has no balls. Like one huge t-girl. The male package is in their somewhere, but they’re always wearing a dress. Muslims treat their women the same as they treat their property. Have fun, Europe.

Story after story. Boring. Same old stuff. Same whiners. Same good versus evil. I think pitchers and catchers are due in spring training this week or next. Gotta check out the Yankees’ site …

Middle-East Prediction

This may be simpleton stuff. Feels like it. But I want to get my predictions on the record.

Iran will not back down, but will stroll slowly and surely toward nuclear arms. The emphasis will be on slowly. They know they have Russia with them. Months will drag into a year - but then another crisis will shift the focus.

Palestine is the problem. Hamas will get more and more overt in its hatred of Israel. They will be emboldened behind the screens and will not back down one inch. Israel will show restraint, incedible restraint. Tensions will rise to the point where it is obvious war cannot be averted.

Then the crisis will change. Russia will be invited to send peacekeeping troops into Palestine. Their presence will grow year after year. At first, the tensions will reduce. Then, Russia will remove its mask.