News as a misnomer.

Boy, was the news stupid this weekend.

Le Papier de Rapport starts with this tortured piece about how the Bible says nothing about abortion. This guy wrote a book called Why I am a Catholic (let me guess, so you can sin with impunity?), and through all of his "knowledge" reduces the Catholic Church's opposition to abortion to so much political grandstanding. Let's start with the concept of dominion and read Psalms 139:13.

The news of the weekend continued to slide downhill as the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A) elected some guy as their “titular head” that supports practicing (ahem, excuse me, the correct word is “non-celibate”) homosexuals as ministers. Homosexuality is a sin. No different than other sin. It won’t keep people out of Heaven of and onto itself. There is only one unpardonable sin (see Matthew 12:32). And, yes, we are all sinners. But the point of Christianity is to turn from your sin, to repent. Not to relish in it, be proud of it, wear it like a badge of courage. Beware, oh Presbyterian Church leaders, of the clear warning in Matthew 7:23.

The U.N. pulls a Howard Dean by saying we don’t necessarily agree, but other people are saying that the nuclear industry is still carrying a rep rap over Chernobyl. This coming on the heels of them suggesting that the company Caterpillar be boycotted because a product they sold is moving (or may move) Jewish dirt. The U.N. is a collection of spineless anti-Semitic fools.

Then get this - Dean feels vindicated because “most” people think invading Iraq was wrong. That was, he shouts from the rooftops, his position during the campaign. I thought he would feel vindicated because he said Kerry could not beat W - and it appears he’s right. W is up nationwide head-to-head and three-way; and is up in Wisconsin, Michigan, Florida, Pennsylvania, and Ohio. Boy, Dean should feel deeply vindicated. And forget the transitory Iraq numbers – bad news day. Fickle data.

And some Muslim group is boycotting Cadbury because of the “prison torture.” The Muslims think we tortured them? Give me a break. We are not children here. Do we torture people for information? Of course – but through surrogate countries. And they give us the information we want. Oh yeah, they also want Caterpillar boycotted. Something about Jewish dirt. Surprise, surprise.

Then 9 out of 10 papers like that fat guy’s movie. Moore’s movie is worth the price of admission? It’s a child’s version of contemporary events. It has the factual depth of a puddle. For my money, I prefer Woody Allen’s Zelig in this genre.

And how many times do we need to hear about the money Kerry is raising? “Campaign war chest,” get tossed around. Le Papier de Rapport reports “From Poorhouse to Penthouse.” Gag me. Forget receipts - let’s talk cash on hand: W $110MM; Kerry $28.5MM. Next.

Finally, I find out that Marlon Brando is less than broke - he’s down $20MM and hides from collection agencies. Marlon … boy, he coulda been somebody.

Enough for useless information. Let’s go to the Straight Dope and learn something useful - Urinal 101: Aim for the back wall or the water?.

I’m going back to bed.