Saturday, September 23, 2006

I'll put on your tombstone, "I thank you for dinner."

Did you know that Citgo is subsidiary of the state-owned Petroleos de Venezuela? That means that Citgo is owned by that little guy with the parrot on his shoulder. I will no longer buy their gasoline, but I will urinate at their stations; restroom optional.

Same topic, did you know that Lukoil was a private company in Russia until they started to make too much money? Then that ex-KGB thug running the country nationalized it. Took a couple of billion dollar company for cents on the dollar. Now we see Lukoil gas stations all over. Good thing. I think my prostate needs squeezing – I tinkle a lot.

Bob Dylan’s new album has a great lyric that is apropos – something like, “I’ll drag them all down to Hell, line them up against the wall, and sell them to their enemies.” Brr, eh?

This is an interesting job: “Saltwater Inc. is seeking observers to perform biological sampling on commercial fishing boats off the coasts of Alaska! Duties include collecting representative samples of the catch, sorting, recording and measuring different species and documenting sightings of marine mammals and birdlife. Strenuous working conditions. Opportunities year-round. Training provided. Excellent stair-step salaries and room and board provided while on contract. Requires a B.S. in biology or natural sciences, a college level statistics course, U.S. Citizenship required, and a flexible attitude. E-mail, mail or fax resume and unofficial transcripts to: Saltwater Inc., 733 “N” Street, Anchorage, AK 99501. 907-258-5999 fax; 907-276-3241 phone.”

Here is their website. I wonder why you need a “flexible attitude.” I suspect that the fishermen may size up Saltwater employees as chum for the next fishing run.

Need a wife? Pakistani Sunni Muslim parents seek alliance for their daughter, age 23 years, 5’4”, completed MBBS, doing Internship, iqama holder, slim and beautiful. Boy should be religious, postgraduate medical, engineering, CA, MBA and established from Pakistani origin. Contact e-mail:, Mobile: 0561572478.

How about a husband? Indian Hyderabadi Sunni Muslim parents invite alliance for their son, aged 27 years, height 6’0”, BE, MS (Computer Science-USA), working as Software Engineer in USA, from a suitable, religious, educated (BE/MBBS/BDS) and decent family. Contact Mobile: 0501828685, Tel: 03-8605221, e-mail:

These people are twisted. The girl is 23. The boy is 27. For the love of Mohamed (PBUH) or Allah or whatever you say, let them find their own squeezebox. Ain’t got nothing to do with you. Maybe that’s why you loser son is 27 and still looking to you to get him a date even though he’s left your country? Cut the apron strings, mama.

From a purely techie point of view, I like this site called BetaNews.

You want out? Need to run for a few years? Here’s the ten steps you need to join the military. Send me a postcard. I’ll send you a care package. Wanna send a care package now? The USO is helping again (still).

It took me a few googles to remember this site. Celebrity Death Pool lets you compete with other people of our ilk in guessing the next celebrity to die. Even if you don’t win, at least you get to root for the death of an irritating person. My money is on Liz Taylor. That woman just bugs me. BUT WAIT!!! They stopped doing it after 911. Bummer. Here’s an alternate where you can win money. $15 entry each calendar year. Pick ten. Most dead wins. Over $2K first prize this year. Time to research the drug and alcohol rehab guest lists; they seem to die regularly. Go Liz!

Remember I told you Russia would have troops at Israel’s doorstep? I hate being right on some things.

I got two dogs. My best buddy and I took them for a walk today. Don’t have one but want to boss one around? Here you go. Now be nice …

I don’t have the focus to get through this site, but it looks interesting and has lots of pictures.

Wow. So, um, this midget puts on a funny hat, right? And he, um, like enters the ring with a bull. Following me? Well, ain’t no little guy gonna take a bull. We know that. But the bull seems to think the midget is a sex toy. Oh my.

Survived this far? Thank you. What do you want to talk about? Clowns are always fun. Ever think your legislator was a clown? Here’s the proof. All bikes purchased must have bells. $100 fine for no bell. And that’s Canadian money. That’s something like a hundred eighteen million in the States. Or twenty-five cents. I forget. Regardless. Bells on bikes required. What’s next – bright red noses? Clowns are everywhere.

The tombstone inscription of Emerson reads, “The passive master lent his hand, To the vast Soul which o'er him planned.” I don’t get it. Yeats: “Cast a cold eye. On life, on death. Horseman, pass by!” Distanced from life; wanted to be left alone. That I understand.


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