Friday, November 10, 2006

Old people eating hot dogs

Headlines of articles in response to the dem takeover of Congress: Levin to Use Top Armed Services Post to Push U.S. Iraq Pullout, Former US Treasury chief Rubin says tax rises needed, First Order of Business for Democrats: The Draft, Democrats are set to subpoena, McGovern to meet with Congress on war (George McGovern!! That is too funny!!), Europe to be in loop on foreign policy: Kennedy, and Time To Socialize Medicine.

Pull out of Iraq, raise taxes, bring back the draft, run all sorts of hearings on who knew what when, consult with McGovern (?!?), bring Europe to our foreign policy table, and let the government run one-seventh of our economy (yeah, England and Canada’s systems are doing so well). This is going to be interesting. The lunatics are back in charge of the asylum.

Two words will creep into our minds before 2008: Pelosi Recession.

Do I really care? No, and that is new to me. This is the first election I have missed in my 30 years since turning 18. In fact, I am not all that much interested in being a republican anymore. It has nothing to do with becoming more liberal politically or socially in any of my views. I will vote overwhelmingly for pubs in the future. But I have found a discomfort with being identified with an organized party. They are all worse than whores: organized political parties exist purely to achieve and consolidate power. I don’t have to pick a side. Any party in power will stumble given time and the other will rise. Power rocks back and forth like an idiot savant on a bench next to the pretty flowers, oblivious to the multitude of people in white coats walking all around him. Party affiliation is irrelevant.

One last headline – Waxman Set to Probe Areas of Bush Gov't. Do you remember this guy? When Clinton was being impeached, Waxman was a dem sitting on the House panel examining and cross-examining witnesses as the Articles of Impeachment were being hammered out. If I recall, Bubba got impeached because some fat chick the age of his daughter was blowing him and he lied about it under oath to a federal prosecutor. It was the perjury issue that caused the impeachment, not whether getting a blow job in the Oval Office was a bad thing. But I digress, sorry. Anyway, this Waxman had me rolling on the floor laughing. His questions were so over-the-top pathetic that no one could take him seriously. I actually wrote him, suggesting that he stop making himself look like a fool.

I love it when the idiot savants are off their meds.

Now, here is an inquiry worth our time: Is a Burrito a Sandwich? It seems that Panera Bread wants it exclusive rights to sell sandwiches used to keep Qdoba from selling burritos in the same strip mall. Let’s ignore the racist location: the White City Shopping Center (where’s the NCAA football team naming commission when you need them?). The outcome? Summed up best by Cambridge chef Chris Schlesinger, who said in an affidavit: "I know of no chef or culinary historian who would call a burrito a sandwich. Indeed, the notion would be absurd to any credible chef or culinary historian."

Indeed. Now, I think our dem Congress should investigate how much money was wasted in that litigation and thereafter create a special tax against such lawsuits. The proceeds of the tax could be used to catalogue and rename all racist strip malls.

This is so typical of feel-good organizations like the UN: Bird Flu Battler Chan to Head WHO. A “battler”? Don’t you remember that we found out that the bird flu resided so deeply within the lungs that the fears of transmission were outrageously exaggerated? In fact, the flu just withered away. But she was there! She was ready to fight if necessary! The battle was never joined by an opponent, but if that nasty flu ever did decide to show up, then by golly gee willikers, she’d be there! So, with due respect to her feel-good pedigree, let’s make her the head of the World Health Organization! Never forgot that her new boss is the UN, and that means that the challenge is now different: instead of being ready to do real battle against a non-existent disease, she will need to fight a non-existent battle against real diseases.

Did I ever tell you that my father died fighting to defend the American way of life? He smoked and drank himself to death, losing his not-so-valiant battle coming up on four years ago now. At ease, men; smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.

Let it to the Germans. They are allowing a lawsuit against Rumsfeld, et al., resulting from the “Hey, terrorist! Yeah, you! The guy who strapped the bomb to the 12 year old and sent him into the marketplace! Yeah, you! C’mere! Where doing a nekkid cheerleader pyramid and you’re in the third row!’ prisoner-abuse ‘scandal.’ Another plaintiff is the 20th highjacker, who was “subjected to forced nudity, sexual humiliation, religious humiliation, prolonged stress positions, sleep deprivation and other controversial interrogation techniques.” “Forced nudity”? So it is OK, for example, to saw somebody’s head off with a butter knife as long you don’t force him to take his clothes off? I am learning so much! Very cool!

But how can Germany take jurisdiction over this case? Why not some fancy-smancy UN court? Ah, Germany was chosen for the court filing because German law provides "universal jurisdiction." German law provides for universal jurisdiction? German law? Of all places that should assert sovereignty beyond its borders, Germany is pretty far down the list – perhaps just above North Korea but below Palua New Guinea. Didn’t Germany commit the most egregious legal infractions of the last century by starting both world wars? International affairs are so confusing to me, probably because I’ve voted pub all these years. I sure am glad that keg-head Ted Kennedy is going to involve the sissified western Euro-pee-ons in our foreign policy decisions.

I think having an art poster made of your DNA sequencing is a cool idea. But I also think that these guys overly dramatize their write-up to justify the investment they made in unnecessary equipment. The clincher for me is the statement that the “piece will arrive rolled in a protective tube,” yet they are charging $35 for S/H.

Here are free plans for dog agility runs. Don’t get myopic thinking that these are only for dogs. When the dems socialize medicine, and all the old people are wandering the streets because there ain’t enough money to house ‘em if’n they ain’t that sick, then you get to set up some lawn chairs, get a half keg of Schlitz and some ballpark franks (they plump when you cook them!), and run a good ole fashioned “Geriatric Olympics”! Think of the fun as octagerians trip each other with canes and walkers all vying for the coveted grilled hot dog on a bun (with a side of blood-pressure meds) reserved for the first one to cross the finish line alive.

Enough. Bye for now.

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