Wednesday, November 14, 2007

evolving dogs and offspring

My Moment of Zen turned rapidly from calming to something different. I was watching my dog lazily walk along the fence, sniffing for remnants of summer, when he humped up and grunted out a dump. Now, another person might find such an act to utterly lack inspiration. Instead, I wonder … if we humans are so evolved, how come we need to wipe our ass? The dog doesn’t. If I don’t, it gets personal real quick, both for me and most around me (except for the olfactory challenged). The chaffing can last for days. Do people with hairy asses chaff less? Is there research out there? How much hair is enough to significantly alter chaffing? Can we derive a formula and use hair plugs?

But wait, it can’t be just the presence of hair, it has to be the make-up of the material being passed, too. There’s a real evolution v. creation argument here. Did our ancestors develop a colon that required Charmin because it knew we would invent it, and bunny rabbits do these little pellets because its colon knew Charmin would never be? That is clearly a creationist view. If cavemen had to wipe to their ass else they got chaffed, one would think the body would evolve into a non-chaff producing form, but it did not. In fact, if cavemen had the intensely hairy asses that the pictures claim, then as the hair evolved away, so the dump material should have become less chaff producing. There is a huge disconnect in the evolutionary theory here. Do monkeys wipe there ass?

OK, back to my dogs. It’s odd – I got used to my female dog, then the male dog showed up. The female is so, well, female. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her rip one. She must leave the room or do some seat shift so she can defuse the sound wave. The male dog could not care less. Scared me, actually, the first time he let loose. The hair on the back of my head stood straight. My dad’s been dead five years or so – I really thought I was going to hear, “get any on you?” in that voice and facial expression he reserved for such statements. The dog burps, too. I don’t get it.

I can’t get this evolutionary contradiction out of my mind. What else is out there? How come I have to pick my nose and produce ear wax like I’m constructing honeycombs for the winter supply of food? Did Cro-Magnon Clyde say, “Q-Tips and Kleenex on the horizon – just another couple million years. Let’s focus on standing erect and developing speech?” It all seems so implausible. At this stage of development, I should be dumping out sand or something, with the rest being recycled somehow. My ears should be pretty, not some mess of yellow-orange gook with hairs growing in all different directions. Snot should not be so gross – or so salty when you eat it. That could be sand, too – you could sneeze and say, “get any on you?”

Just think, if everything we expelled from out of our body were like sand, we could have beaches instead of landfills. You could save not just your kid’s first teeth – but there first excrement, too. You could make family sand castles. Isn’t glass made from sand?

Evolution is stupid. Not very well thought through.

Here’s another google hack to find mp3’s … {-inurl:(htm|html|php) intitle:"index of" +"last modified" +"parent directory" +description +size +(wma|mp3) "hank williams"}. In the last quotes, where I have hank williams, you put in the target of your search. Works good. Remember, right click – Save Target As – and be sure it comes back as an mp3. If it does, save it and enjoy.

One more hack, seems more simple, but what would I know. I did get more hits with it … -inurl:htm -inurl:html intitle:"index of" mp3 "hank williams"

I don’t actually use these google hacks to download music, mind you. I think that would be infringing on someone’s copyright somewhere. That would not be good. I just use them to remind myself of how open the net is, and sometimes I think about trying to figure out how to write the site owners to tell them that their stuff is not secure. Sometimes, too, I go into the parent directory and down into another subdirectory and explore the … I, um, I … nevermind.

I didn’t know Hank Jr. had a box collection out. Very cool. I wonder if it’s the Bocephus Box. $35 on Amazon. Hunh. That’s a lot of money. Hunh.

I grew up listening to his dad. Listened all the time. When Jr. came along, I accepted his music without question. He did have to prove himself, however, which he did from the start. Quite unlike Sean Lennon. I’ve got two CDs by Sean. Listened to one of them one time; the second has never been opened.

Jr. is good. You have to like the solid country foundation. I don’t know much about that MNF bit he sings – that is just commercial crap made for the manufacturers of happy. But listen to All My Rowdy Friends Have Settled Down or Family Tradition or A Country Boy Can Survive. Just classics both in lyrics and music. There not too many videos released by him on you tube, but some, plus some decent concert footage.

I’m gonna do something else. Later.

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