Monday, December 17, 2007

random observations about my dogs

I have two border collies. One is bred as a working dog – sleek, fast, smart. The other seems to have been cross-bred with a pig – fat, clumsy, stupid. I call the latter, “Olaf, the pig dog.”

I stayed in the large backyard with my dogs the other day. You can tell when a dog is going to dump – they sniff around for something. A toilet? They both assumed the position, which I always thought was totally random. On this day, they not only took a dump at the same time, they both had their asses pointed at me.

It’s winter here. I had them on the deck with me. I broke up some ice. They eat it like it’s candy.

I have a small strawberry patch. Stupid cats occasionally use it as a litter box. The dogs treat it like a buffet. They eat cat shit.

When I take them outside through the basement, as soon as the door opens, Olaf goes bounding down. My smart dog stays on next to me until I say it is ok to go down the stairs.

When I open the basement door to the yard, my smart dog rips into the backyard to clear it of any intruders such as birds. Olaf stays close until he sees that I am going out, too.

When I put them out the front door, it is on a long chain. Olaf always gets wrapped around a bush or rocker or anything available, and then he barks to be helped. IF my smart dog gets wrapped, which is rare, I can point to the way free and she does it herself.

When they play in the backyard, Olaf runs like a madman. My smart dog cuts him off at every corner.

My smart dog is name Ceiligh. It’s Gaelic for “festive,” or “party,” or “that’s your sister? Um, ok, she dating anyone?”

When I give Cei a treat, she scurries away and chomps down. Olaf looks at me: “This it? Any more?” When he realizes nothing more is coming, then he scurries away with his treasure.

I have two food bowls with identical food. Both dogs will eat from the one on the right, and then push it around noisily when it is empty – ignoring the full one just nine inches away.

Olaf had his nuts drilled. He still humps Cei upon occasion. When I tell him to stop, he looks at me like a teenager caught yanking it. He gets the same look when he takes a dump and looks over his shoulder at me.

When Cei pisses, Olaf gets in there and sniffs so closely he must get splashed.

The dogs sit on the couch sometimes and lick each other’s tongues.

When Olaf lies next to me, the important thing is to rest his head on me. Cei wants her back resting against my leg.

Cei understands “no.” Olaf is like telling Sam Donaldson to not ask a question.

That’s about it for now …

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