Altered States, Five.

Iowa First Lady Christie Vilsack will be the prime-time speaker at the DNC Convention on Tuesday. She used to write columns.

"Vilsack's Aug. 24, 1994, column was particularly critical of dialects from other regions of the country. In addition to the knock on African-Americans, Vilsack knocked residents of New Jersey and Pennsylvania.

"'Later, on the boardwalk, I heard mothers calling to their children, 'I'll meet yoose here after the movie,' she wrote. 'The only way I can speak like residents of New Jersey and eastern Pennsylvania is to let my jaw drop an inch and talk with my lips in an `O' like a fish. I'd rather learn to speak Polish.'"

Who are these people? Two cups of coffee, no breakfast, and I'm being insulted. This wasn't speech overheard at a cocktail party - she wrote it and had it printed in the newspaper!!! First of all, it is "yous," as in the "two of yous," and "yous guys." It ain't and never has been "yoose." "Yoose" rhythms with "moose," you moron. And a fish?!? She's comparing me to a fish?!!?? And what is wrong with speaking Polish? You got a problem with halupki and perogies?

These people are really beginning to irritate me.