Evolution & Intelligent Design

Evolution theory works something like this: there was, you see, this big BANG!, then like, WHOMPF! all this stuff was just screaming outward at incredible rates of speed and then somehow or another some of it started spinning really, really fast (instead of continuing outward as a result of the original propulsion, some of it started to circle back!) and that spinning stuff caught on fire, well, nuclear fusion kinda sorta that starts at the core of this spinning thing where the pressure is so great that hydrogen is like smashed into helium-4 (the loss of mass creates energy – ever hear of the theory of relativity, duh?!?) and then the energy becomes a photon and starts moving outward and does this photon-gas-photon-gas thingey to like 10 to the 25th times and finally it reaches the surface (like 100,000 to 200,000 years after the hydrogen pressure thingey) and then there’s this convection of hot and cooler gas – anyway, light and heat is spit outward and while all this is happening other stuff started to spin around those firey things and on one of them a cell emerged – quite by random chance, mind you, well maybe the saline solution helped but that just kinda appeared, too – and that cell split into two pieces and then, and then it evolved (!) to optimize its in situ experience and then, and then eventually it evolved into us (and monkeys, too!): each cell in our body contains a copy of our DNA; each dual strand of DNA in each of our cells is made up of 3,000,000,000 (three billion) molecules; each human body contains 100,000,000,000,000 (one hundred trillion) cells. One hundred trillion multiplied by three billion (btw, 300 sextillion; unless you are in Europe where it is called 300 trilliard because what the Brits call a sextillion we call an undecillion; confusing, I know – let’s be clear, we’re talking 10 to the 21st, not 10 to the 36th; if it were a hard disk, it would be 300 zettabytes – ok, I’ll stop) and with all that evoluting goin’ on there is only one form of humanoid on our planet – go figure – what a glorious random chance event we are!!!

oh, btw, that stuff preceding the BANG!, the stuff in the first instance, was sumptin' outta nuttin'.

And you people think I'm the one going on faith?