Don't bogart that joint, my friend

Pothead One: Yo, dude, check this out!

Pothead Two: Oh, too many words. What’s it saying, dude? Hey, don’t bogart that doobie, man.

One: It says something like pot makes you smarter.

Two: Yeah, well, we knew that, bro. Hey, you got your bong here, man? I want to flame this roach big time.

One: Yeah, it’s in the closet, under the mail.

Two: You keep your mail in the closet? I’m hungry. Your mom make anything good lately?

One: Yeah, the mail guy brings all this stuff that says I have to respond within five days and stuff. I’m seeing what happens if I don’t. It’s like a sociological experiment.

Two: You’re smart, man. You must smoke a lot of weed.

One: Yeah. There’s some food in there, too. I think some pudding. So this article says THC helps the brain not go Reagan on you. That’s pretty cool. Does hash have THC? I thought so. Let’s burn some.

Two: Oh, this pudding is so good. Thanks. What’s that smell in there, gonzo?

One: Oh, that’s that college kid across the street. Some chick sends him letters doused in perfume. So I steal them out of his box and put them in there. It’s like an air refreshener.

Two: Wow, you do smoke a lot of weed. You’re like that guy in the wheelchair that talks funny. You got everything figured out like Black Holes and stuff. I feel smart being around you.

One: Yeah. Did you know that Black Holes aren’t really black and that they ain’t even holes?

Two: Awesome! Hey, want happens if we stash our weed in one of them? Can we go get it?

One: Well, the problem is finding the hole to begin with, dude. Then, like, when you find it, you need to get there. They’re usually really far away, like the other side of Aurora, Ohio.

Two: Dude, you know everything!

One: Yeah. Hey, remember those commercials that said, “Weed Kills”? I guess maybe they should re-do them, eh? “Weed. The Smart Food.”

Two: So, like, weed brownies are like vitamins, ain’a? Maybe they can like change the school lunch program. “Here’s your pizza burger, your vanilla pudding, your bread stick, and your joint!”

One: See? You’re getting smart, too!

Two: Wow. I always thought I was stupid.

One: So did I.

Two: Yeah. Like that time I swallowed marbles and jumped up and down thinking I was gonna sound like a spray-paint can.

One: Yeah, that was like real bonehead.

Two: Yeah. Man, they hurt popping out the other end. But it was so funny! Remember when that one come out when I farted? You held the lighter to my butt and the flame went for like a foot and out of came this marble like out of a cannon? That was so cool! I am like so into it that we got that on tape. You see how many hits it got on You Tube? My butt is like a celebrity.

One: That was so funny! Here, de-seed this bud, man, and roll us another vitamin stick.

Two: You got it, Einstein.