Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Open Letter to Alex Rodriguez (A-Rod)

Hey Alex, true story. My boss (up three levels from me) was in a Philly hotel when you were in town to play the Phillies this summer. Her husband comes out of the Men’s Room and says, “Hey, I think I just took a leak next to Alex Rodriguez!” She said, “Probably. I just saw Derek Jeter!” Small world, eh?

If it’s any consolation, she also said (to me) that the camera adds a lot of pounds to yous guys. She said that you were “chiseled.” Go figure.

So it’s like we know each other, right? Can I give you some advice? Thanks.

First, your wife is a little cranky. You may want to leave her home more often.

OK, enough of that. You are a Yankee. So you go through slumps on the field and at the plate. Compare your stats to the rest of the Majors and you are at the top. If you go to Seattle, then you will be the star – the only star. A great big fish in a little sea. Some of the other guys can hit or maybe field, but no one will do both or in any other way compare to you. It’ll be a great ego boost for you during the regular season, but come playoffs you’ll be stuck with your (cranky) wife.

With the Yankees, you are in the line-up. One guy of many. Nobody seems to be yelling at Giambi to leave town – and we all know he supplemented for at least a few years. You’ve always been clean. (Right?) And didn’t Mickey Mantle go 1 for 24 in some World Series?

Stay for the long haul. Play the first game ever in the new Yankee Stadium. Retire a Yankee. You deserve to own the hot corner on the greatest baseball team ever. They are lesser without you.

I’m glad we had this talk.

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