Sunday, November 26, 2006

If a chicken had a penis it would be a rooster

This article is interesting on a few levels. It seems that Kiev is now Kyiv. Cooking books across the world shudder at the thought. It seems that “Kiev” is the Russian spelling, and the Russian were interlopers in Ukrainian history. So, it is now time to revert to the historical spelling of “Kyiv.” Makes sense to me. Praise W (PBUH) that he has a U.S. Board of Geographic Names with representatives from several government departments, including the State Department, to advise him on such matters. If is it good enough for the Ukrainians, and good enough for that Board thingey, then it is good enough for me.

It is apparently, however, not good enough for the legacy press: the article concludes, “The Associated Press continues to spell the name of the capital Kiev.” Frickin’ a-hole communists.

Speaking of congenital losers, some people always find the tarnish on the silver lining. To wit: “Dark Side of Being Cured of Childhood Cancer.” Thanks, ABC News. You know, maybe there is a downside to being cured of cancer at a young age. It seems obvious that your body will be compromised in some profound manner. But I suspect, somewhere deep down in my bones, I truly believe that the dark side of not being cured is a measure darker.

Quit looking for reasons to be depressed, guys. Life only sucks when you take it for granted. Ask any cancer survivor if they would have preferred losing.

As an aside, I used to be fond of saying, “I think that is a distinction without a difference.” Then about two weeks ago, I thought to myself – was it a difference without a distinction? Did I get the words in the wrong order? Then this evening I was with my best buddy and I told her about my quandary. Miraculously, as soon as I said it, I realized that whether it was a distinction without a difference or a difference without a distinction was really a difference with no real distinction. Or was it a distinction with no real difference? That’s when I gave up.

Speaking of when to give up, Chinese investors should research more. Ants ain’t gonna yield 35% to 60% returns. Some company fraudulently raised $379MM from “gullible members of the public.” That’s like a couple two three gazillion yen. And wait a minute, China – you’re blaming a gullible public? Listen, clowns, it is your job to regulate public offerings. Try controlling your economy in smart ways: care less about how many kids are pumped out by people enjoying themselves and more about white-collar crime that takes hundreds of millions of dollars that you don’t figure out until it is already done. You people are idiots.

Speaking of fraud, leave it to Arkansas to establish that if the number of votes cast for a candidate equals or is greater than 1, then the reported vote totals will be -0-. This dude votes for himself. That’s one vote for him. At least. But the final tally for him was zero. Wanna bet he was a pub?

I found articles on woman cutting off penises whilst the guy was still alive, cutting it off after death as a remembrance, dogs getting married … just ain’t worth deliberating. One thought, though – how come all the penis cutters are women? Do guys, gay or otherwise, just know to keep Mr. Slappy attached no matter how angry they get?

Night …

No comments:

Post a Comment