Monday, December 3, 2007

touching coal

I continue to get plenty of masturbation hits. This guy googled, “how to masturbate your wife.” That’s kinda personal, pal. Would you mind rephrasing, “how to masturbate MY wife”? Let’s keep the second-person pronouns to a minimum when we are discussing intimate sexual touching, ok?

A bit of a twist, “my wife is upset that I masturbate.” Then tell her to take over! Simple enough. “Let me show you, honey. You grab it right here, no, not too tight. Now, don’t get upset if I call out your sister’s name …”

Got one very cool hit – “coal cracker recipes.” Lead me on quite the journey. I found this site devoted to coal crackers. Quit funny as well as informative. Quit, um, close to home in some of the observations. The section on Coal Speak was humbling. I am reading through this dictionary and thinking, “Ah, yeah, that IS how it is pronounced.” In sum, I felt more stupid as I went from letter to letter.

Are you a visual learner? Try this introduction:

I grew up not just saying but writing in letters to friends the amalgam, “aposta,” which means “supposed to.” I have an on-going feud with my twin over “crick” and “creek.” I still say “catlick,” and I remember many a “swift kick in the ass.” I had no idea these pronunciations were so local. Ugg.

Did you ever eat … Hot Bologna?

1 ring bologna
1 tbsp. crushed red pepper
1/4 tsp. cayenne pepper
1/4 tsp. salt
1 1/2 cups white vinegar
3/4 cup water
Cut ring of bologna in pieces, about 2 inches long. Place in a glass jar. Add crushed red pepper, cayenne pepper, and salt. Mix white vinegar and water. Pour over bologna. Shake well, place lid on jar and refrigerate. Should be ready in a day or two.

Can you even buy bologna in rings anymore? More recipe links on the bottom of the page of any of the links above.

I read through a few of the message board items. But I can’t relate – they call themselves “coal crackers.” I’m coal trash – big difference.

I learned something of personal interest to me. One of my favorite people passed away a few years ago. I always knew her as “Aunt Frances,” although we were not related and, no, my father was not banging her. It was a term of endearment for a close family friend (well, close to a couple of us). Her people came from down the line in a town I always knew as Avoca. But this is taken from the ”Patches” link – Avoca : off Rte 81, between Wilkes-Barre and Scranton. Site of the Wilkes-Barre / Scranton Airport. Long-time residents of the area around the airport refer it as "Houston City" or "Howston City". The town was once called "Pleasant Valley", but renamed to Avoca after a rail accident killed many people there. Avoca means "vale of tears" (in Irish or Gaelic?)

His links page is pretty good.

Enough looking to the past. Gonna go.

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