Wednesday, January 30, 2008

i got plasma on my but-tocks! *

* sung to the tune of Helter Skelter's "I've got blisters on my fingers!"

I think this means something. In writing about plasma, it reads, “What is plasma? We're familiar with solids, liquids and gases, such as solid ice, liquid water and gaseous steam. But heat atoms more, and they 'split' into free ions and electrons: a plasma.” Sounds important. Splitting atoms, I was taught growing up as the teacher talked to us while we hid under our desks from imminent Russian attacks, was a bad thing.

This is a picture of plasma. Looks hot. I guess those atoms got themselves heated up big time. Looks like the sun, eh? Here’s another apparently important statement: “All plasmas react more strongly to electromagnetic forces than gravity. Hence 99.999% of the visible Universe reacts more strongly to electromagnetic forces. And all space plasmas produce magnetic fields.” OK. So I don’t have to worry about forgetting to pack my magnet if I ever go to space. I’ll just drive by some plasma and pick one up. That’s a good thing. One less thing to worry about.

This picture looks important, too. I’m not a mathematician, and I slept in my own bed last night so I don’t have any mental super powers from drinking Holiday Inn kool-aid, but I think this tells me that there is not a reliable relationship between density and temperature. It does seem, however, that the higher densities produce the higher temperatures. That’s good, I guess. It’s nice to learn that lightening would burn my sorry ass quicker than a fire. I’ll tuck that bit of knowledge away. I hope I never need to make the choice.

Plasma also seems to be unstable by all sorts of views. That doesn’t sound good. Did you know that plasma instabilities can be divided into two general groups (1) hydrodynamic instabilities (2) kinetic instabilities? Neither did I. I think that’s interesting. Not sure. They also use terms like “sausage instability” and “hose instability.” That concerns me. Plasma seems like it’s an important thing. I don’t care that they have to reduce its analysis to food products and garden implements to understand it. Makes me feel uncomfortable. Do those use those terms for the new guys? Is that an indictment of the educational system? “I’ll tell you what really happens after you’ve been here a few years. For right now, think of Jimmy Dean link sausage.” “Hey, ever water your yard? Yeah, same thing.” That makes me very uncomfortable.

There is also something called a ”plasmoid.” Think of it as a hemorrhoid. It’s in the tail of a comet, can be ball lightening, etc. Yeah, just like that thing sticking out your asshole. Here’s a picture. That thing on the left is your asshole. The plasmoid is off to the right, kinda dangling out there.

Class dismissed.

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