Herself lies, flashback

Let’s pick on Herself for a bit. I can’t give a link for this story because I grabbed it off a fee-based search engine. Just trust me, or find it via alternative means. On November 10, 2001, The New York Post published on page 10 a story called, Chelsea Rebuts Mom's Story.

It seems Hillary needed a personal connection to the September 11 tragedy. She didn’t have one, of course, being from New York in the same way that Bobby Kennedy was from New York, so she made one up.

Roll tape …

HILLARY and Chelsea Clinton should have gotten their stories straight (what a great opening. They teach this stuff in journalism school, right? Education is such a wonderful thing). It turns out there are glaring discrepancies (do tell!) in their accounts of what Chelsea was doing on the morning of Sept. 11.

Appearing on NBC's "Dateline" shortly after the World Trade Center attack, Sen. Clinton told viewers how her daughter had cheated death on that fateful morning. (Cheated death? Cheated death? Think, think, think … sounds similar, pray tell, to the dodging-bullets-on-the-runway scene, no?)

"[Chelsea] had gone on what she thought would be a great jog," Clinton explained. "She was going down to Battery Park, she was going to go around the towers. She was going to get a cup of coffee and - that's when the plane hit!" (THIS is the best part of Herself. Never just one misperceived observation, you know, like a shade difference, or – “yeah, ok, you’re not right but I can see that, too.” Naw. Not Herself. We got 1. An activity; 2. A route; 3. A planned event afterward; and 4. A climax! Problem is, of course, of the 42 words, only the last three – the plane hit – are true. This girl is soooo funny.)

Clinton went on to share her fear and confusion when she could not get in touch with her daughter and didn't know where she was. (Ah, but read below. Tell me, tell me, tell me. Chels relates that she “talked briefly with an aide to her mother before the phone lines went dead.” We all know Herself’s iron grip – do you believe for a split second that the staffer did not seek Herself out? Talking to Chels would be information worth a smile or a please-do-not-hit-me card. It is impossible to believe this information did not get to Herself.)

"At that moment, she was not just a senator, but a concerned parent," Katie Couric told "Today" viewers the next morning. (Oh god, I just vomited. BRB …)

As cyber-columnist Matt Drudge reports, the result was widespread media coverage that portrayed Hillary, who was not in New York at the time, as a concerned and distraught mom who had personal ties to the WTC tragedy.

But Chelsea, who had declined to give any interviews, has broken her long silence by writing a first-hand account in Talk magazine. She reveals she wasn't jogging that morning (you don’t say!), and was actually miles away from the disaster (oh my!), safely ensconced in a pal's apartment on Park Avenue South.

"I stared senselessly at the television," Chelsea writes. She notes that she talked briefly with an aide to her mother before the phone lines went dead. She then ventured out on her own to try and find a public phone to call Hillary.

"Looking uptown I saw that every phone in view was surrounded by people. Then I looked downtown, the direction everyone was coming from; I assumed the lines would be shorter and went south. People told me later that I had been 12 blocks from the Towers . . ."

"I do remember standing in line at a phone somewhere and hearing a deafening rumble . . . a man standing next to me in line . . . said that one of the Towers had just collapsed," Chelsea recalls.

Calls to Clinton's office were not returned.

(Get this … still laughing …) The piece in Talk indicates Chelsea is as politically savvy as her parents. One of her first thoughts was, "I was worried that with the tax cut, we wouldn't have enough money to repair New York and D.C. and to help the families of the thousands I knew must have died." (Major attack under way – maybe a warzone in NYC – and she’s thinking about federal revenue from a Keynesian perspective. No, I do not believe it.)

A couple of hours later, "Once we stopped running I started praying," Chelsea relates. "I prayed for my country and my city. I stopped berating the tax cut and started praying the president would rise to lead us." (Funny. Just goes to show you the difference in world views. The first thing I do is pray. She does it last, and the press atheistic press laps away.)