the obama private diary, installment 4

August 24, 2008. DNCC coming up tomorrow. Praise Allah, I need a cigarette. These Secret Service people hanging around me all the time is enough to make me want to act out. Why ain’t there no there brothers in the group? Don’t get that. Gotta fix it as soon they all get to permanent status.

I’ve been pacing like a trapped lion thinking about what the Clin-toons are going to say for two nights. Piss me off. Two nights. Makes me look like the walk-off fight in the Blue Horizon in Philadelphia. At least I got me some pillars on loan from Hollywood. Looks like MLK’s speech in the background, ain’t it? I always liked Reggie Jackson – “I’m not coming to New York to be a star, I’m bringing my star with me!” Got that right.

Had a face-off with Mich that is still bugging me. She’s got all these arguments about the “White Power Structure” and “You’ve Changed, Barry,” and “I never liked Ayers. Why’s his ass always around and me not?” All I could come up with was “Don’t you go calling me Barry” and “Can’t you just ride my coattails like everyone else?” and “Baby, I love you, but shut up for a while, will you?”

That last one went over real well. I. Need. A. Cigarette. Now.

I got my speech pretty well figured out. Check this out: “This country is more decent than one where a woman in Ohio, on the brink of retirement, finds herself one illness away from disaster after a lifetime of hard work.” I have no idea who that chick is. Sounds white. I didn’t write it neither, but it’s good! Think about it, homey – everyone is all like, “one illness away.” Sounds bad. One more illness and the clock done coo-coo’d. It’s meaningless, yeah, but Fear City! I like it! But think about it – if’n she’s on the brink of retirement and worked hard, she’s either got insurance or Medicare. I’m right, right? Ain’t no “one illness” away from nothing. Anyway.

Got this one, too: “We are more compassionate than a government that lets veterans sleep on our streets and families slide into poverty; that sits on its hands while a major American city drowns before our eyes.” Veterans sleeping on the street? LMAO! Since when does enlisting in the f’g Army give you life-long financial security? But the picture’s good, ain’t it? I love the “American city drowns” bit. Got a global-warming feel to it. Man, these people can write!

Oh! Oh! Check this out – this one’s mine: “It's not because John McCain doesn't care. It's because John McCain doesn't get it.” Cool, ain’a? Well, my draft was, “John McCain’s a nice guy, but the boy’s just too old to know what’s happening around him. Make sure his drool cup don’t go spilling on the sofa!” I think they did a nice job of refining the gold nugget I gave them.

I just gotta get through the next few days. I do not trust the ‘toons as far as I can throw them – and that ain’t too far with Ole Podium Muffs. Make me puke – how’d she let herself go like that? A white girl with a donkey is just wrong.

Ut oh, plane landing. We’re are we? I gotta run.

This entry presents an unusual mixture of ease and tenseness. Obama proudly discusses his upcoming speech, yet cannot shake his ongoing oral fixation for a cigarette. There seems to be a desire for old destructive behaviors permeating his writing. This observation is supported by his repeated use of the vernacular “ain’t it” and “ain’a,” both street slang from his youth.

We see for the first time a departure of his oft-stated devotion to his spouse. Earlier entries suggested a transactionally based difficulty common in any close relationship. It seems manifestly different here in his dismissal of her affectionate “Barry” and his categorization of her as more comfortable if she would “just ride [his] coattails like everyone else.” These dismissals bespeak of a distancing he envisions from her as his self-supposed trajectory is upward and she represents a previous situs. One wonders if there are sexual difficulties.

Most disturbing is the pride he takes in the words written by others. Historical papers indicate that he held speechwriters in disdain, calling them “Klingons” and “ass-sucking parasites.” His deference, even admiration, for them now suggests an enormous detachment from his previous reality. This sizable shift in his moorings could result in erratic behavior as environmental pressure builds and he lacks his traditional groundings. Future researchers should watch videotape closely for the introduction of facial ticks.