Monday, April 13, 2009

Hello, again

Yes, it's been a while. This blog began a little over five years ago. Politics was a focus. Then I bored of the empty suits. and wrote more personally. I always enjoyed listened to myself tell a good joke, so I wrote some humor. But then the focus went back to politics, and in that I somehow came to the attention of a few folks like myself - social conservatives with an expectation that people actually care to read what they write. So we spent a few months designing The Patriot Room, and launched in December 2008. I stopped writing here at that time because I was rarely writing personal stuff. Now I feel like writing personal stuff. So here I am. Ta-da!

I'm teaching, mostly on-line. It's interesting to balance six classes and 100 students, but is often aggravating. Students disappear, don't respond to e-mails, and just piss me off. Others are good - excited to be a part of the process. They're fun.

I've been writing my book is spurts. Total rewrite in progress. Have wanted to bail so many times just because I don't feel myself good enough. Head down, focused ... trying. Need to finish it this year. I want to finish it.

Personal life has had its challenges. Talk about giving up! Man, I've been ready countless times to pack it in. But for this and but for that, I'd have been room temperature countless times. Yeah, I overreact. It's my defining characteristic.

I am currently on emotional and psychological life support. I am writing this post, in fact, because I'm sure if the attendant is going to pull the plug and watch as I go isoelectric. Well, hey, now you'll know because I'll go silent again! And that's a good thing.

So anyway ...

It dipped into cold weather a few days ago. I was so pleased when it was warm. I could sit outside with my dogs and let the sun warm me. Now it's been cold again - seeing my breath. It chills me deeply. I am uncomfortable in the cold - always have been.

I wonder what it would be like to live in a more temperate climate as I used to in California. I recall being much more comfortable. There is some comfort in warming under several blankets. I'll admit to not liking sweating my way through an August night. Perhaps someday, but it doesn't feel real to me anymore. I think that window I look through now will be my last, and that resonates uncomfortably.

The financial pressure I feel is enormous. Resolution, catching up, seems within reach, but it has countless times before. It is challenging to see the fires, and only be able to address the one that flares to uncontained status. I worry that several will flar at once and thereby consume me. Yet, I worry about those things I can control, and much of these things I can do nothing about except as money comes mid-month each month. But, my, mid-month seems so far away each month. Just frustrating at times.

Man, am I bitching! Sorry. Just getting it out. Trust me - I am pulling my punches. I got a few other issues that wipe all the above away like dust off furniture.

You know what? Gonna end this bitch session. I'll try to me more socialable next time. Promise.

No comments:

Post a Comment