Sunday, August 29, 2004

Dan-O - Stayin' Alive

Let's keep Dan-O's theory of Cheney-out-(Your Name Here)-In.

Current Vice President Cheney is in NYC now. The Guardian gives us the details.

Let's parse some words. Find the Clintonian Nuance (a term which bridges the last decade in democratic etymology).

“The Manhattan skyline at his back, Vice President Dick Cheney remembered the terrorist attacks on this city and promised that with a second term President Bush would be strong and steadfast in keeping the nation safe.”

Cheney is fondly recalling history, and speaks prospectively of his boss in the singular tense. Lost are the “we,” “us,” and “together” formulations. Ut-oh.

“My job here this week and in the two months ahead is to tell people all across America about how strong and steadfast our president is. ... He is exactly the leader we need for these times and we need him for four more years.” (Ellipse in original)

Oh my. Cheney specifically fails to mention a continuation of his job after the next two months. Oh my. Does his job change then? Does he stop working? Oh my.

“‘America is still the land of golden dreams,’ he said while facing the Great Hall, the centerpiece of Ellis Island, where about 22 million immigrants were processed between 1892 and 1924.”

Clearly a Freudian Slip (as opposed to a Nylon Slip or Sailboat Slip). Cheney retires, hits the speaking circuit, writes a book (“Dumb & Dumber – an opponent’s view of how the Kerry campaign was so ineptly run it was surpassed in its stupidity only by the candidate himself”) – and strikes GOLD!!! Get it? “Golden dreams”?

And look at the numbers presented as if Cheney himself didn’t speak them (yeah, right, he got the “data” to the reporter somehow and we know it): 22 1892 1924. 2+2+1+2+2=9; 8+1=9. That leaves two more 9’s and a 4. In all: 9 9 9 9 4. Four Nines. 9 * 4 = 36. 3+6=9. It’s a closed circuit of nines, cleverly hidden in a series beginning with a 2. It is also five nines, which is only possible with a wild card.

Golden dreams - wild card. Letter substitution: card-cord-cork-work. The words – the number of letters – 6 6 4 4. Twice as many fours, half as many upsidedown nines. “Upsidedown” is clearly a tip-off to a learned reader.

Get twice as much gold for half the work. It must be a message to Halliburton. “I’m out soon. Drinks are on me.” Oh my, Cheney’s out.

“Unlike many vice presidential candidates, Cheney plans to be on hand for most of the convention, watching the opening session Monday morning and each evening's proceedings inside Madison Square Garden.”

The long good-bye.

Oh my, Dan-O really has something here.

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