Zoo News: Uncle Walter Gets a Day Pass

NASA is giving Uncle Walter a moon rock. There is an underlying redundancy that I can’t quite get my finger on. Cronkite long ago lost his ability to make a cogent argument. He meandered toward obscurity barking his liberal agenda like some junkyard dog pacing a fence.

A google of "Walter Cronkite Liberal" leads to all sorts of great quotes. That’s it! The man is beyond being as a dense and intellectually vacuous as a rock – he is a rock from outer space. Got it. I think they should redo Lost in Space or the original Star Trek. Cronkite’s face could be superimposed on a rock that is piled with other meaningless things just off camera. A propos, as the French say.

OK, enough of cranky old former news anchors now boat anchors …

How about a 14th-century shipwreck? In about 30 feet of water somewhere in front of Stockholm, is a ship in the mud. Built between 1350 and 1370, and then sunk during the 1390s, they are hoping that it might have cargo. Doubtful, but a good thought. Why did it sink? Seems to have a repair to the hull made with leather. Poor cow.

Gary Glitter’s molestation trial opened today in Vietnam. Seems 10 and 11 year olds had front row seats to his sporting event. Well, allegedly. I wonder how many people are outside the courthouse dressed as dawgs or cheeseheads and playing Rock & Roll Part 2. Hey!

Silly me. Here I thought ”touch that toilet paper and I’ll kill you” was a euphemism. Seems a radical response to an empty roll.

PETA doesn’t like it when a pig is de-nutted. Bummer. Beyond how the pig feels, it was a Future Farmers of America gig. Give it up. Let the pig deal with his loss and stay out.

Cereal City meets Lambchop. Was Megan’s Law meant to apply cross species? What a great legal question. Beyond that – yuk-o! God, man, get a hold of yourself. Literally. That’s gotta be better on the conscious than what you did.

So it’s a crime to, um, whatever happened above that resulted in a sheep being rape-kitted, but this is not a crime? It is applauded? Such an odd standard out there. You can kiss a chicken but you can’t … a sheep. Go figure.

Honey, can I have a couple of dollars to go shopping? Where? Nowhere in particular, I just want a couple of dollars for wherever. No, please, really. I want to go. I want to go big time. Hey, a-hole, I ain’t asking!

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again. Husband can’t kill wife. Fails four times. Gas, CO, poison twice. How about a small thermonuclear event? Take both of you out. Loser.