The ventilator is running

UPDATE on 864-223-1911.

In college, I stepped onto the car port roof and promptly sliced my foot on a piece of glass. It was my left foot, inside, just short of my heel. A beautiful, deep gash from which blood spurted. It didn’t ooze or run. It spurted. I sat down and patiently stopped the blood loss over an untracked length of time. I forgot to think about pain.

It was about two weeks before I walked with unthinking pressure on that foot again. I walked without shoes or socks back onto the car port. Step. Slice. Spurt.

I didn’t simply reopen the old wound. How do I know? Although it seemed to be the exact same place and blood splatter, I removed the new piece of glass from the wound. Damn. This time I remembered to feel pain.

One of my roommates gave to me a small jar of orange salve. He said his grandmother gathered roots and flowers, and made the salve herself. He was from Caribou, Maine – so far north I suspect the caribou migrate south for the winter.

I applied the salve and it seemed to advance the healing rapidly. I used the salve for many years and hardly dented the amount in the jar. I had it until several years ago when someone threw it away without my knowledge or permission. I’m still a little cranky about losing it.

I started thinking about that salve because of what must be a change in FCC regs or broader statutory requirements. Whenever a drug commercial comes on, the not-a-real-sick-person-taking-our-drug-but-a-crack-abusing-actor-being-paid-to-say-what-we-write tells us how much better their stomach acid is because of taking the whatever-color-you-want pill. But, they helpfully add and downplay it through dismissive body language, “my doctor tells me that certain side effects may occur including explosive diarrhea, severe dehydration, cardiac arrhythmias, and, in documented but rare cases, spontaneous combustion. I should also tell my doctor what other medications I am taking and whether or not I vote regularly.”

I think I would rather the stomach acid. I’ll just avoid the moo-shoo pork.

Office Depot has a hard drive with a rebate. No need to link. Don’t feel like it. The drive is 100GB retailing for $80; the rebate is $60. To qualify you have to purchase the drive between October 1 and 7 inclusive. Today is October 3. Early in the rebate period, eh? So I add it to my shopping cart. Insufficient stock. One. Too many. Do I want to back order? Dunno – you gonna give me the rebate? I call 800/go-depot. “Good question. I will direct you to the rebate center at 866---.” I call. I’m an amiable dunce like that. Easily led. 1 for English. 2 for question on a rebate. 2 to speak with someone. “Because of exceptionally high call volume, you may have to wait up to five minutes to speak with a customer service representative.” OK. The nose ring is firmly in place. I’ll wai--- “We’re call, your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again.” I go back to 800/go-depot. “Yes, you are right. Back orders are typically received in 5 to 7 business days after placing your order. We cannot guaranty that you will receive this product in time to qualify for the rebate.”

In the 3d day of a 7 day rebate, they are bailing on the customer. Office Depot sucks.

OK. Last bitch, I promise. About a week ago I got a call. On my caller id it reads, “G & S Moore. 864-223-1911.” I don’t know them, but I don’t mind telling people they misdialed. I answered. Now, I am not just unlisted but private. I am on the do-not-call lists for Pennsylvania, federal, and inter-galactic. I detest unsolicited sales calls on par with crotch itch.

Yep, you guessed it. Sales call. Verizon Wireless. “I would like to tell you about …” No. Not interested. Pal, it’s 8 o’clock in the morning. On a Saturday. “But won’t you just listen to …” No. You are about to violate federal law (I had no idea). “OK. Thank you very much.”

But where did I go wrong? G&S Moore to Verizon Wireless? I reverse lookup the number. Gary and Scarlett Moore, 115 Carriage Ct., Greenwood, SC 29646. Odd. Seems like a private listing. Verizon is masking their origin to get through solicitation blocks? Seems unethical.

So last night the phone rings twice then stops. G&S Moore. Wow. I call back immediately. “We’re sorry, the number you have dialed is no longer in service. Please check the number and try again.” Wow.

There ought to be a law against such blatant manipulation of the phone system.

Enough. Bye