oh, canada!

I went to bed last with all sorts of layered emotions. Life can be so challenging sometimes. Emotional drain can be as exhausting as any physical challenge. The difference, however, is that physical exhaustion yields sleep; emotional exhaustion doesn’t slow my mind. I lay for hours watching this wrestling match in my head, listening to the competing voices that each hold and spew forth logic. My efforts to stay a spectator never seem enough. I get drawn in and find myself taking emotional punches that cut deeper than any knife. I woke up this morning fully engaged emotionally: body tense, mind cutting.

As much as I am not at ease, sometimes it is useful to compare myself to others. I did not know, but as the throes of my own torment rose higher and higher to the surface within me, a woman (presumably, I sure hope so) sat in front of her computer. Outside, it was close to midnight in Victoria, British Columbia. She was mostly likely without human companionship. She has a pet, perhaps more than one.

As her own twisted self emerged, she went to google and typed in words no pet lover would consider. My site came back number one on her search. Her conscious did not slow her down. She clicked through to find the answer she needed: Advice for masterbaiting with snake.

My life sucks at times. Other people’s lives are suckier. It’s a small consolation, but one I will take.