the obama private diary, installment 1

This post is for distribution in Missouri. Any form of distribution in Missouri – television, newspaper, radio, blog, word of mouth, handbill – is specifically allowed and encouraged. I demand just one thing: Attribution to my blog.

I was talking the other day with Source A, a person within the Obama Campaign that has access to the candidate’s private diary. S/he also told me that the candidate, Barack Obama, specifically said that everything in his diary is true, accurate, and complete, but that the contents were considered privileged to him – shared with Source A only in the highest confidence – and should not be disseminated further in any form whatsoever. In complete contradiction to that trust, Source A sent to me a true and accurate copy of the diary meant for me to hold, in its unopened sealed package, in trust. This post is intended to specifically violate every trust associated with disclosing the contents of Barack Obama’s diary.

Selected Contents of Diary. The diary is a bound book, black exterior with unlined white pages. A sticker on the back indicates that the diary was purchased in St. Louis, MO. A receipt inside confirms this: Chicky’s Bookstore, St. Louis, MO, November 23, 2007, $14.95. All entries in the diary are written in black perhaps with a felt-tip pen. Comparing the handwriting in the diary to known exemplars of the candidate’s handwriting confirm the handwriting as his. Below are several excerpts from the diary.

November 24, 2007. This diary is considered by me to be private and highly confidential. If anyone shares anything in this diary with any other person, living or dead, I hereby authorize the St. Louis City Circuit Attorney, Jennifer “Rode Hard” Joyce, and the St. Louis County Prosecuting Attorney, Bobby “The Hitman” McCullough, (both future United States Attorneys, btw) to use any means necessary to destroy the person or persons so sharing. I be serious.

NOTE – It seems clear to me that the above warning, written on the face page of the diary, establishes an expectation of privacy in the contents of the diary. In order to read anything in the diary, aside distributing same, the reader has to physically turn the page. That act, coupled with subsequent distribution, establishes an overt act in furtherance of the specific intent to discredit the candidate. I have done both of those overt acts.

Selected excerpts and commentary follow.

January 14, 2008. I am sitting in St. Louis. Finally got some down time from bitch-slapping that Clinton chick. You know what’s funny to me? I’ve had all the white people on my campaign watch every minute of footage of that women (she’s not a lesbian, as far as I know). Nobody can find even a split second of her donkey on tape. Fricking remarkable! I’ll tell you, though, we’ve had a whole mess of arguments over the width of the podiums. If we used standard-width, her ass would be sticking out both sides – it’d look like the damn thing was wearing ear muffs! Good thing the first time I saw it was when we be in the Senate. She went waddling up front and I bust a gut laughing so hard. Damn straight her husband was the first black president – that girl’s got a donkey on her! Man.

Praise Allah, I hate the cold. I need me some poontang. Where’s the Rolodex of interns? It is so nice that the Ho didn’t make the trip.

NOTE – In the daily entry above, the candidate exhibits racial- and gender-insensitivity. It is clear that he has little respect for “white people,” “lesbians,” and people with large bone structures. He indicates a willingness to further racial stereotypes through use of “donkey” and the reference to potential mixed blood in Senator Clinton. Finally, he exhibits sociopathic traits in his isolation in a single paragraph of deference to a religious figure and a desire to consummate sexual relations outside the bounds of marriage. (From reading the entirety of the diary, it is clear that his use of the proper noun “Ho” is a reference to his wife, Michelle.)

January 27, 2008. I’m back in Missouri – some rathole called Clayton. Praise Allah, I hate this f’g state. Bunch of religious nuts packing heat. Wanna scare a brother? Fill a room with a bunch of Christians that have concealed-weapon permits. I looked at the Axeman hours before the speech and said, “Make sure security checks for rope. I ain’t gonna be lynched in f’g MO.” He looked around to make sure no one could hear me and then laughed. “David, I’m f’g serious.” He walked up front and did what his skinny white ass was told to do.

I oughta get the Chinese to seed the clouds with a little blow. That’d mellow these pukes a tad.

So, the Ho calls me like 20 minutes before the speech! I’m all, “Sweetums, I can’t. I’m trying to focus.” She’s all, “Don’t you call me ‘Sweetums,’ a’hole. I’m out here for you. And you know what? I’m surrounded by whiteys! I’m ready to give them the street! They’s be talking to me like I’m stupid or something, like they gots to say – the fork goes on the left, it don’t matter if’n you be right handed. F*** this! I ain’t doing this, Mr. Candidate. Un hunh. They can kiss my black ass.”

AAARRGGGHHHH!!!

I tried to calm her down. I’m off stage scanning the crowd for rope – noticing all the brothers and sisters somehow got seated in the back, and the Ho is telling me she ain’t happy. “Listen, Mich, I get it. This sucks. Neither of us planned to get anything more than a bit of press and then we could concede and be doing lines by the pool for a few months. Instead, we’re gaining momentum. They be lookin at us, MoFo! Let’s chill. OK?”

That seemed to shut her up. Like I got time for this? That chick going to the corner soon. Ain’t got enough white in her to just shut up.”

NOTE – In this excerpt, Obama again indicates the depth of his racial insensitivity and even insecurity. He exhibits paranoid delusions and a persecution complex by thinking people are there to do him harm (even as far as the specific means by which said harm will occur). Disdain is apparent toward those that in his employ. Importantly, multiple references are made to drug use – he wishes everyone would use drugs, and longs for recreational-drug use by him and his wife. All drug references seem to be to cocaine.

We get some insights into his marriage in this excerpt. It seems that Hillary isn’t the only female around the candidate that wears pants.

February 22, 2008. I’m in a plane flying over Missouri. This f’g place haunts me. There’s this Rican bitch in the press corps I’d like to do the mile-high thing with. Whew, she’s just got it. WAIT! ‘MILE HIGH?’ I be ‘round those whities too much. I want that ho to spank my monkey! Nice round ass, enough tit to feed an Army group thingey. Whew, I gots to think about something else. The ole ankle spanker is tickling …

Still riding high from winning the F’G MOFO LAST 11 PRIMARIES!!!!!!! That Pantsuit Chick is PISSED OFF!!!! That POS of a husband of hers says to me, “Ah, ah, ah, we should be working together on a unified party!” Unified my ass!

Bill Ayers called on the secret cell – the one that I have the number switched every three days. A trick I learned when I was dealing. He says that people are sniffing around the Annenberg files, but that he’d have them all cleaned up soon. Said the University is too stupid to understand that a person can’t claim ownership to corporate files – and since the corp is now defunct the files are completely open. He said he could tie it up for a while. I’ll tell you, Bill can walk on water! LMAO – the future Secretary of Education – that’s all he says he wants in return for keeping his mouth shut. No problemo … aahhh, where’s that Rican? I gots to wet my beak in that thang.

NOTE – We learn about several important things from the above entry. His lack of understanding of the military (“Army group thingey”) is clear. His disdain for the Clintons extends to both Senator and former President Clinton. Interestingly, he uses the phrase “unify my ass,” which is eerily close to the “Party Unity My Ass” phrase adopted by Clinton supports which presently refuse to support his candidacy. We also learn of his on-going and close relationship with William Ayers, the former Weather Underground domestic terrorist. We learn that he actively sought to conceal his drug dealing activities by rapidly switching telephone numbers. We learn that both he and Mr. Ayers felt that a full disclosure of the Annenberg files would not be a good thing. Finally, although evident in other entries, his narcissism is on full display with his feeling that the “Rican” (a vulgar reference to a person of Puerto Rican descent) would have sexual relations with him merely because he wanted to.

That is all for this post. A glimpse into upcoming posts:

March 8, 2008. A great day! I won Wyoming and did that Rican wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and spurs!

April 23, 2008. I HATE coal-cracker gun-loving religion-clinging Pennsylvanians!

May 7, 2008. North Carolina! Tarheels! Now, THAT’S what I’m talking about!