Richard Cohen: Call me dick.

I know I shouldn’t be, but sometimes I am just struck with the breadth and depth of the stupidity of the MSM. Al Gore as Secretary of State? Because global warming is the number one issue? What in G-d’s name is this dude smoking?

I don’t follow MSM columnists, so I have no familiarity with Richard Cohen at WaPo besides what I have read after finding the piece linked above. Let me dance through the archives of this guy.

He wrote this piece, for example, where he dances on the grave of the RNC because it drove out moderates. Methinks he misreads; I can’t wait until 2012 when he sees electoral evidence concerning what he will probably term the “walking dead.”

In this piece, he gingerly proffers as evidence of a “changed” America, that “the senatorial contest in Minnesota is between two Jews -- one a former comedian, for crying out loud -- and the governor of California cannot even pronounce the name of the state.” How, um, politically correct of him. I guess his first name is “Dick” for a reason. Funny how that happens.

In this piece, he rides down some conservative commentators after they met Palin in 2007. His quotes: "my heartthrob" (Kristol), "a mix between Annie Oakley and Joan of Arc" (Gerson) and, so far not evident, "smart" (Barnes). I did not find a mention of Chris Matthews saying he had a thrill up his leg concerning Obama. I guess the same-sex thing would seem unbecoming. I also am appalled at the depravity of the “smart” crack. Let’s look at his bio for his educational bona fides.

His biography is noticeable absent of any reference to education (oh!), so he must just be “one of the guys” that learned it through “brow sweat and elbow grease” and thereby possesses a “seasoned mind” capable of “progressive thinking” and “an understanding of nuance.” In short, he probably has a BA in Journalism and then went shopping for knee pads, which he continues to wear. A tour of his office might include a statement such as, “These are the ones I wore towards the end of Gov. Dukakis’ campaign. It was clear he wasn’t going to win, so somebody had to make him feel good.” Yeah, thanks, Dick, for your service.

A little more insight into the Person Named Dick is in this piece. He uses the phrase “conventional old-timey columnists.” Has a New England feel to it, eh?

In the same column, when referring to Hillary’s primary-run demise, he does his flower-child excoriating of people that vilified her, and then writes this paragraph:

As for me, I too have been critical of Clinton. My columns, of course, were a model of rational thought and cool analysis, and were based entirely on the issues, such as they were. For a number of reasons, I did not think she should be the Democratic nominee, but I often had more problems with her critics than I did with her. Some of them, clearly, needed to be medicated.

Now, I get the nuance, the hint of eloquent sarcasm in his “cool analysis” bit. But he wrote it – and he let it stand. And then he says of “her critics” that some need “to be medicated.” Hunh. Reminds me of the eloquence of the “extra chromosome” crack from Gore. How inclusive of you, Dick. Why not say, “Some of them, clearly, needed to go to the clinic to have their prosthetic arm adjusted”?

I could go on citing this fool’s columns. It seems that every one contains a blatant – Me good. You bad. – Tarzan statement.

I’m just going to move on … I prefer to picture Tarzan pounding his chest and saying – Me good. You dick.

Your meds, Dick, are in this little white cup. Be a good boy, now. I don’t want to have to immerse you in the bad bath tub again!