politics simplified a bit more

Romney is brilliant.

How, pray tell, does one drop out of race after scoring recognition as the only conservative worth anything in the race and then get labeled such an accolade as “brilliant”? Is this similar to a sportscaster’s use of the word when describing some otherwise fast-food-counter-boy’s catch of a football off his head for a 35-yard gain?

What a finely crafted set of interrogatories, my friend! Allow me kindly to elucidate and perhaps broaden your political understanding.

The premise is the old political adage that when your opponent is headed for the cliff, get out of the way.

Let’s marshal some facts …

We all know that Hillary is not made for long-term use. She cannot control her temper, she whines, she cries, she loses her voice, her money sources turn up dirty, her cold shrilly bitch self shines through like an illuminated 40-watt bulb behind so many rotted holes in old cardboard.

“What to do?” a girl asks herself in such a predicament. Why, move the primaries up! Bunch them so early that I can spend my way to an early coronation! Brilliant! (Yes, this is the sportscaster use of the term.)

But not everyone in Liberal Mecca agreed with her plan, and Michigan and Florida were stripped of their delegates. “No big loss,” Humungo Thighs mused, “I won’t need them!” But alas, it seems that she does … but I am getting ahead of myself!

We all know that the Clinton stock-in-trade is personal attacks. BJ Clinton was dispatched to South Carolina. Ut oh! Too bad, BJ, looks like ad hominine attacks are, shall we say, so 1990s, so passé.

So the Pig in a Pantsuit (hereafter, PIAPS) did not clean up on Super Tuesday. In fact, the deepest review of numbers shows she got her electoral clock cleaned. She is descending faster than Howard Dean after the yell in Iowa 2000. Can I get a YEEE HAAW?

The money game is also causing PIAPS quite the concern. Seems Obama is raising a million dollars a day. Every day. PIAPS is writing her own checks, and had the typical gall to suggest that her staff was working without pay – typical Clinton, “they offered. They said you [PIAPS] are doing your part, so we are going to do ours.” The statement hung out there for a news cycle, until it was confirmed that NO ONE went without even a single paycheck. White trash.

Oh, before I forget, since she was the only name on the ballot in Michigan and Obama upheld his pledge to the party to not campaign there, WT PIAPS won both contests – and promptly said that those states should have their delegates reinstated so as not to disenfranchise them. The request fell flat like an Uncle Buck pancake.

So now, it seems that she is in for a long fight. Obama has money and appeal. He is the only fresh face out there. WT PIAPS is old guard. Delegates are even. Obama owns the short-term momentum. It is lining up as a fight to the convention, just two months before the election.

Romney views all of this. He realized he was the only real threat to McCain. “Why did that piece of dirt from Arkansas/Illinois/New York/Your State Here want such an early Super Tuesday? Because with no incumbent, not even a seated VP running, the pubs would clearly fight it out. She could begin the national campaign in February, while we are still trashing each other until August. She could have a shadow government in place for months!”

Brilliant analysis! “Quiet, I’m thinking,” he says. “Sorry,” I intone. “So, now there are a set of facts clearly established on the table. Obama is in it for the long haul. He has a very real chance of getting the nomination. That gives him at the very least lifelong name recognition. He will be the face of a new generation financed on the presidential campaign fund. There is no way he is getting out. That ties up the dems through August. So I have to free up the pubs. Use WT’s own logic against her.”

Stunningly brilliant! In a twist to the old adage, instead of getting out of his opponent’s way – and be clear that the dems are the opponents – he took a quick side step, and then pushed her over the edge.

Pub VP? Thompson. Better be. Right now, if it is McCain v. Obama, I stay home. If it is McCain v. WT PIAPS, I vote. Only the pub VP will get me out in an Obama run. Ever see that jaw of McCain’s? What is that? He better have that looked at. Might be cancerous.

give him a fair trial, then hang him

I sat in a doctor’s waiting room today, and had the distinct pleasure of being so incredibly bored that I read a local newspaper. It was like chewing aspirin. An article was on page 4, upper left, occupying two columns for a third of a page. I read it. Glanced at the inset picture as it was identified in the text. Reviewed the article one more time quickly in disbelief. Then just shook my head.

The story is this: It is winter here, somebody put a load of clothes in the dryer, turned it on, and left. Dryer exhaust existed through a vent on the back porch. The firemen came, gained entry through the basement, saw nothing was wrong, and left.

So why did this story rate so many column inches and an inset picture? What was the picture of, anyway?

And now, the rest of the story … it seems that the occupant was recently charged, as the article termed, “with raping children.” That was the only identification and discussion of the charges – “with raping children.” Seems a rather indelicate way of terming his criminal charges. Further, since the charges became public, some local put a sign in the suspect’s front yard identifying the house as being occupied by a “child molester.” The neighbor that called the fire company was concerned, perhaps rightfully, that the house was on fire through arson. She was wrong, but perhaps heartfelt.

I have deep feelings about our judicial system and how it handles criminals and, in particular, those that touch children. I am, as a result, very comfortable with the idea of vigilante justice. I also understand the Constitution and criminal procedure.

I blissfully know nothing of local happenings. I knew nothing of the allegations. Regardless, this guy or his wife put in a load of clothes to dry, and went out. As a result, his name, her name, their address, his picture, some flippant reference to his charges, the sign incident – all get recounted in the paper to, I guess, remind everyone of what is going on.

I have no sympathy for him if he is guilty. I rather enjoy daydreaming of his future as the cellblock wife. But why this article? I found the handling of the faux incident to be an exceptionally poor editorial decision.

Tie him to the stake. Stuff a rag in his mouth. Surround him with dry kindling. Toss liberally an accelerant. Hold the match until the trial concludes.

I read the entire paper. What a waste of tree.

I feel myself being drawn into following politics a bit. Makes me feel dirty. There’s a concerted effort to “humanize” Mrs. Bill Clinton? What does that mean, exactly? She is human – people just don’t like the type of human that she is. Cold, lying, bitchy, tight, sleazy – and those are her supporters. Her detractors go for the pant-suit references. I have to throw up – brb.

John Edwards has a love child in the oven? So funny. I bet his fervent support of abortion-on-demand just hit a crescendo. John: They don’t, um, do DNA testing on aborted kids – I mean, fetuses, ah, wait, ah, what’s that phrase? “A mass of cells” – they don’t, right? So much for supporting wife dying of cancer, Slim. Oh yeah, procedure and evidentiary findings and all that. Sorry. Oh, fuck it! Where’s the matches? John-boy? C’mere, son …

I read on some site the headline that an MSNBC host laughed at a Republican presidential candidate. The talking heads are fools – and just for clarity, I am referring to the television hosts.

Polls are coming out by the bucketful. Seems Obama leads Iowa among likely caucus voters and Edwards leads among likely voters. Hunh? On common thing – Clinton is not leading in any of them. Guess those pantsuits linger in memory. Oh, god, gotta go. brb.

I had pizza and chili. Yeah. Just yuk. I was hungry, cut me break.

I loved reading Pravda. They are so deeply asshat-ish. The headline reads, “USA spends hundreds of billions to control Russia, Iraq and Afghanistan.” Here is every number in context from the article:

“The U.S. Senate approved the allocation of 401.8 million dollars from the budget in the financial year 2008. The funds will be used to implement assistance programs to the republics of the former USSR. In addition, the USA plans to spend 294.5 million dollars for the countries of Eastern Europe and the Baltic states (Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania).

“ … the allocation of not less than eight million dollars for the humanitarian and civil assistance to Caucasian republics of Russia’s south: Chechnya, Ingushetia, Dagestan and North Ossetia …

“$500,000 to the U.S. Forest Service to implement a program to protect forests and animals in Russia’s Far East.

“555 billion spending bill Tuesday combining funding for 14 Cabinet departments with $70 billion for U.S. military operations in Iraq and Afghanistan.”

“USA spends hundreds of billions to control Russia, Iraq and Afghanistan”? You people can’t read your own words. I don’t even see half a billion. You just ain’t that important, Russia. Or maybe you are jealous because your budget is so pathetic?

Alright, enough cranky …