site meter follies followed by ramblings

Answer: In this order, ABC News, the FBI, an NPR piece, Wikipedia, Jihad Watch, the Saudi Embassy, me.

Question: What is google’s top seven for “wanted terrorist from yemen”? Returned with july 2005 archive.

Yeah, that’s me, terrorist-hunting superhero. Even more fun, following me is Fox News, CNN, and the NYT. I also come in 20th! I wonder if I could sell my page rankings … CNN can use all the help it can get.

The internet is such a dangerous place to get information.

Seems our sitemeter follies a couple two tree posts below missed one cc: on Poindexter’s e: Talisman Energy, Calgary. Dat boy dun shard are storey un stoopud tings! If’n I had a momma I’d bea telling ‘er! Dang!

Answer: In this order, Food Timeline, What’s Cooking America, Motts, me.

Question: What is Google’s top four for the history of applesauce? Return with stupid clowns with a side of applesauce.

I am the authority on the history of applesauce immediately following Motts? You guys are in trouble!

Answer: I didn’t want to sound offensive, so I googled insensitive penis.

Question: What do I do with this limp dick with which I live?

Good advice inspired by one of my hero’s in this life.


Answer: That right there is my e.a.merkel double barrel rabbit ear shotgun.

Question: What the fuck is a rabbit ear shotgun?

This sounds dangerous, and I think the person who googled such a thing is probably way too into weaponry.

Answer: It removes the need to discuss jock itch sweat and detergents.

Question: What are bunched panties?

I understand googling “jock itch and detergent.” The little buddies can be sensitive sometimes, particularly in the summer months. The addition of “sweat” throws me. I fail to see the nexus to detergent. Sweat is a function of aeration, heat, and exertion. The detergent I use doesn’t make me sweat. I might get hives. I can see that. Sweat? Um, no.

I’m working on a theory here. If I ridicule enough people that visit my site, maybe I can achieve singularity. That point of infinite density the other side of which is completely unknown to science. Is it a worm hole to another part of me? Do I burst forward into something later catalogued as Big Bang Clyde, and through this dispersion of my matter form little galaxies that float around me like a herd of mosquitoes? Am I expanding or contracting? If you look at me with a really powerful telescope, will you see me when I was younger?

What will be my last thought as I lay dying? I suspect something about what I was going to do next like the laundry, or something I wanted to do like rinse my dinner plate. I think the profound thoughts will come in the hours before, provided I am not so cranked up on morphine that I am just watching the walls melt. Will I be alone? I think I will have a dog, so I better use big bowls in case I am not found for a few days.

My Great Aunt Nana was afraid of hospitals and she died in one. That always bothered me. My second cousin Craig lived a year after his fatal diagnosis and no one told me. That continues to piss me off.

My father told my brother and me that if his “dick sill worked” he “would have divorced your mother a long time ago.” I was saddened that he didn’t live until Viagra came on the market or that the whole poker tournament thing came after his death. He was an excellent card player. The last time I saw him alive was at a card game we both played in. I remember finally figuring out his game that night. I guess it was time.

I am getting ready to enter the next phase of my life. I think it will be my last. Will it last 30 years or more?

I just got T.Rex’s Dandy in the Underworld. Marc Bolan and the band were on tour when it came out on March 11, 1977. Six months later he was dead at age 30. I don’t understand why people die so young. He had an exceptionally good time while he was here, but don’t we all?

My skin gets dry in the winter. I started to use this soap I put on a scrungee thing. Seems to be helping. But I reach around to itch my lower back, and I feel hair there. Makes me wonder if I have hair on my ass. I am afraid to look. I am not going to itch there except through clothes to ensure that I gather no information. It is just something I don’t want to know.

Does everyone write poetry at some time in their life?

I lot of us have some perpetual fuck-up we know that makes our life look not so bad. Do those perpetual fuck-ups have someone they know even more fucked up? Is there no bottom to the pit?

I love old pennies. Wouldn’t it be cool to know precisely every story associated with a particular coin from its first use to the present? I pick up every penny I find. I save them. Remind me of my twin.

Time to transit …

just talking ...

I don’t eat fully developed non-aquatic meat. So I am basically a veg, with fish, cheese, and eggs tossed in so that my male dominance has a place to be exercised. There’s a perverse joy in cracking open an egg, watching the unformed chicken turn opaque, and devouring the yoke as it drips off of toast all the while harboring this inner glow that I have saved a chicken from the horrors of commercial farming. In order to fully experience the moment, and avoid the harsh light of Socratic logic, I usually need to add distilled spirits to my coffee, this numbing my analytic abilities. That’s my reality: chronic inebriated narcissism. I think it might be a syndrome in Europe. Not sure. I should start a petition to get it recognized in DSM. It could be my legacy. Clyde’s Syndrome. We could get federal money to develop a fetal test for it. Liberal women could get abortions to avoid having kids like me. That’s an odd thought. “Don’t be a Clyde!” I could be a college course. There could be nervous expectations and hushed words shared about test results. “I have good news. You baby is not a Clyde,” followed by tears of joy. I think I may have something here.

In case you are wondering, here’s a helpful page with directions to roast an entire pig all at once. I have to throw up. brb.

I guess the legs are too long on a baby cow to cook the whole thing at once, so you to learn about the different cuts and how to cook those. Can I get a little “moo”?

This video is a bit over the top, but effective in seeing the worst practices. Mmm, good!

Want a funky (and free) email url such as yourname@DaddysBeenABadGirl.com? Sounds like a great coming-out present!

Need a custom warning label?



All for now ...

give him a fair trial, then hang him

I sat in a doctor’s waiting room today, and had the distinct pleasure of being so incredibly bored that I read a local newspaper. It was like chewing aspirin. An article was on page 4, upper left, occupying two columns for a third of a page. I read it. Glanced at the inset picture as it was identified in the text. Reviewed the article one more time quickly in disbelief. Then just shook my head.

The story is this: It is winter here, somebody put a load of clothes in the dryer, turned it on, and left. Dryer exhaust existed through a vent on the back porch. The firemen came, gained entry through the basement, saw nothing was wrong, and left.

So why did this story rate so many column inches and an inset picture? What was the picture of, anyway?

And now, the rest of the story … it seems that the occupant was recently charged, as the article termed, “with raping children.” That was the only identification and discussion of the charges – “with raping children.” Seems a rather indelicate way of terming his criminal charges. Further, since the charges became public, some local put a sign in the suspect’s front yard identifying the house as being occupied by a “child molester.” The neighbor that called the fire company was concerned, perhaps rightfully, that the house was on fire through arson. She was wrong, but perhaps heartfelt.

I have deep feelings about our judicial system and how it handles criminals and, in particular, those that touch children. I am, as a result, very comfortable with the idea of vigilante justice. I also understand the Constitution and criminal procedure.

I blissfully know nothing of local happenings. I knew nothing of the allegations. Regardless, this guy or his wife put in a load of clothes to dry, and went out. As a result, his name, her name, their address, his picture, some flippant reference to his charges, the sign incident – all get recounted in the paper to, I guess, remind everyone of what is going on.

I have no sympathy for him if he is guilty. I rather enjoy daydreaming of his future as the cellblock wife. But why this article? I found the handling of the faux incident to be an exceptionally poor editorial decision.

Tie him to the stake. Stuff a rag in his mouth. Surround him with dry kindling. Toss liberally an accelerant. Hold the match until the trial concludes.

I read the entire paper. What a waste of tree.

I feel myself being drawn into following politics a bit. Makes me feel dirty. There’s a concerted effort to “humanize” Mrs. Bill Clinton? What does that mean, exactly? She is human – people just don’t like the type of human that she is. Cold, lying, bitchy, tight, sleazy – and those are her supporters. Her detractors go for the pant-suit references. I have to throw up – brb.

John Edwards has a love child in the oven? So funny. I bet his fervent support of abortion-on-demand just hit a crescendo. John: They don’t, um, do DNA testing on aborted kids – I mean, fetuses, ah, wait, ah, what’s that phrase? “A mass of cells” – they don’t, right? So much for supporting wife dying of cancer, Slim. Oh yeah, procedure and evidentiary findings and all that. Sorry. Oh, fuck it! Where’s the matches? John-boy? C’mere, son …

I read on some site the headline that an MSNBC host laughed at a Republican presidential candidate. The talking heads are fools – and just for clarity, I am referring to the television hosts.

Polls are coming out by the bucketful. Seems Obama leads Iowa among likely caucus voters and Edwards leads among likely voters. Hunh? On common thing – Clinton is not leading in any of them. Guess those pantsuits linger in memory. Oh, god, gotta go. brb.

I had pizza and chili. Yeah. Just yuk. I was hungry, cut me break.

I loved reading Pravda. They are so deeply asshat-ish. The headline reads, “USA spends hundreds of billions to control Russia, Iraq and Afghanistan.” Here is every number in context from the article:

“The U.S. Senate approved the allocation of 401.8 million dollars from the budget in the financial year 2008. The funds will be used to implement assistance programs to the republics of the former USSR. In addition, the USA plans to spend 294.5 million dollars for the countries of Eastern Europe and the Baltic states (Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania).

“ … the allocation of not less than eight million dollars for the humanitarian and civil assistance to Caucasian republics of Russia’s south: Chechnya, Ingushetia, Dagestan and North Ossetia …

“$500,000 to the U.S. Forest Service to implement a program to protect forests and animals in Russia’s Far East.

“555 billion spending bill Tuesday combining funding for 14 Cabinet departments with $70 billion for U.S. military operations in Iraq and Afghanistan.”

“USA spends hundreds of billions to control Russia, Iraq and Afghanistan”? You people can’t read your own words. I don’t even see half a billion. You just ain’t that important, Russia. Or maybe you are jealous because your budget is so pathetic?

Alright, enough cranky …

double goodbye

Just sitting around listening to Beatles bootleg. Got the Rhine River Tapes – three good CDs lifted from the A/B Road – 30 days – Twickenham/Abbey Studios – Get Back Sessions … whatever title you want to go by. All January 1969 studio work leading to the Let It Be album. Also got the 2 CD set called Revolving, which is studio work and the mono mix of the album. Am also plowing through the Artifacts CDs. Yeah, yesterday marked 27 years since John died. I listened to bootleg of his acoustic work on one CD and his piano work on another. I also listened to the Wedding Album and the two Unfinished Music CDs (Two Virgins, Life with the Lions). If you know these last three CDs, then you recognize how much of a personal tribute it was to endure Yoko in her full 1968/1969 glory. Like chewing aspirin, but a tribute is a tribute.

Finally came to closure on the personal front. All that is remaining are the loose ends. Debating whether to crash and burn or go out more calmly. Both have their advantages. One thing that is forming quickly is a desire to just get it over with now. Once my mind is set on something, the idea of dragging out implementation is grating. Add to that the third-party self-righteous presentation concomitant with sniffing old haunts that sniff back – better yet, those that sniff openly, deeply, and intensely personally, and then are invited back after the briefest of delays, and timing becomes optional. Done.

This seems appropriate:



And this:

killing you softly with my words

A favorite word of mine through the years has been, “non-sequitur.” I suspect the hyphen is not correct because it is taken directly from Latin (so “non” is a word rather than a prefix) meaning, “it does not follow.”

Although it is a favorite word (or two-word combination) of mine, I cannot ever remember uttering it in context. Seems to me to be not quite fitting of coal trash to have such a robust lexicon. When I think of such things, I recall leaving the courthouse one day (I had a hearing of some kind in a neighboring county). I walked past a group of lawyers that did not give me, a lawyer from away, even a nod. One was saying to the group, “… not sure, I mean, he couldn’t even propound an appropriate inquiry!” Wasn’t a reference to my courtroom work (I’m a good propounderistarianer), but I thought as I walked by, “… douchebag. They don't give out nickels for big words anymore.”

I use my share of long words, but as one of my graduate students wrote on a course eval, “You use a lot of big words, but you use them all correctly. It’s refreshing.” And, to me, therein lies the issue. Words communicate. The simpler the word, the more likely your message will be communicated. Sometimes longer words are needed – just be sure to know what they mean before you use them.

Little shit drives me nuts: “We are doing this to insure we get it right the first time.” Insure, as to financially underwrite? “That” is limiting; “which” is not. But, to me, misuse at this level is just lazy, and it’s OK to be lazy. We all are in some areas of our lives including, big time, me. However, when people go out of their way to use words they do not understand just to use a big word, then you know they are not trying to communicate, but to impress.

“Impress: to press (a thing) into or on something.” Isn’t that what Charmin is for?

Could we say, in light of the above, that one who uses big words for the very sake of their length and that flushing sound one hears typically from behind a closed interior door in a residential environment is, empirically, the antithesis of a non sequitur? Methinks, without measureable trepidation of the prospect of contradiction, that such is an accurate manner in which to describe the state of affairs. In short, if you do not know the difference between “didactic” and “pedantic” then do not use either.

Naw, not being a dick, just tired of pseudo-intellectuals.

Alright, enough pompous bullshit. Soapbox to the right; me to the left.

Here’s a good story: “In 1386, the tribunal of Falaise sentenced a sow to be mangled and maimed in the head and forelegs, and then to be hanged, for having torn the face and arms of a child and thus caused its death. … As if to make the travesty of justice complete, the sow was dressed in man's clothes and executed on the public square near the city-hall at an expense to the state of ten sous and ten deniers, besides a pair of gloves to the hangman.” – E.P. Evans, The Criminal Prosecution and Capital Punishment of Animals, 1906 This site is full of good stories.

Good rule from my twin: if it wasn’t food a hundred years ago, it isn’t food now.

This sounds good:

Autumn Roasted Vegetable Salad

Ingredients

1 (8 oz.) yam, peeled and diced to 1-inch
1 (6 oz.) granny smith apple, peeled, cored and diced to 1-inch
1 (6 oz.) red onion, diced to 1-inch
2 tbsp. olive oil, split
salt and pepper to taste
2 tsp. balsamic vinegar
1 tsp. Dijon mustard
1/2 cup sliced California Ripe Olives
2 cups mixed baby greens
1/4 cup of chopped toasted cashews

Directions

In a large mixing bowl, toss yam, apple and red onion with 1 tablespoon of oil. Season with salt and pepper and scatter on one or two roasting pans in an even layer. Bake in a 450˚F oven for 20 minutes until golden. Remove from heat and allow to cool for 10 minutes. While cooling, whisk remaining oil, vinegar and mustard into mixing bowl. Toss in California Ripe Olives, baby greens and cooled vegetables. Top with cashews and serve. Serves 4. Courtesy of The California Olive Industry.

If you get off on articles that begin, “Almost one billion people throughout tropical and sub-tropical latitudes are infected with hookworms. In the countries affected, hookworm infection is often the major contributor to irondeficiency anemia, a direct consequence of the parasite’s bloodfeeding activities” then you can read the rest here - The bandit, a New DNA Transposon from a Hookworm - Possible Horizontal Genetic Transfer between Host and Parasite. The article is focused on DNA analysis. I can’t bring myself to show a pic of the things, but go for it if you like.

I started reading some articles on why lethal injection is “inhumane,” and then got sidetracked to other issues. Data from Amnesty International: In 2006, 91 per cent of all known executions took place in six countries: China, Iran, Pakistan, Iraq, Sudan and the USA. Based on public reports available, Amnesty International estimated that at least 1,010 people were executed in China during the year, although these figures are only the tip of the iceberg. Credible sources suggest that between 7,500 to 8,000 people were executed in 2006. The official statistics remain a state secret, making monitoring and analysis problematic.

Iran executed 177 people, Pakistan 82, and Iraq and Sudan each at least 65. There were 53 executions in 12 states in the USA.

Um, we set the internal toaster oven to "bake" for 53 people and you’re on our case? Shoo, fly, go away! Shoo!! Seems to me you’ve got more than enough work to do with China. Better go pout at the UN, eh? Further, if the 7:1 to 8:1 holds for China, you gotta know, brother, that is also good for Iran and the Sudan.

And don’t you just the love the opening crack – “91 per cent” in six countries. They are using a base of 1,591 executions. Wouldn’t “88 per cent in five countries” sound better? Narrow the culprits to just FIVE! Ah, but that would leave the US off the list.

How’s this for another twist? In point 11 not quite half way down: China reports executing about the same number of people in 2006 that the United States has executed for the past 30 years. That is Amnesty’s data, but not the way they want us to view it.

Here’s another set of data, different source, same year: China, at least 5,000 (approximately 8,000 according to Liu Renwen, Professor of the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences); Iran, at least 215; Pakistan, 82; Iraq, at least 65; Sudan, at least 65; and United States, 53.

China’s number essential the same – a guess as to the total. Iran creeps up over 20%, and joins Iraq and the Sudan with the qualifier, “at least.” Seems the US role is shrinking by the article.

Want an observation? Where is Russia in all this? Ah, they have a moratorium on the death penalty. Why? Last paragraph of the link – Russia committed itself to scrapping the death penalty in 1997, when it signed a protocol to the European Convention on Human Rights. Money. Follow the money. It is routed in trade with the EU. Remember Russia in the 1990's? They were in economic freefall.

Butt hay, who needs the death penalty when you can murder your undesirables? But, Clyde! How can you say that! It, it, it’s so cold! Blow me – here’s the data:

Russia murders per 100,000 population: 201 (#5 on the hit parade)
US murders per 100,000 population: 42 (#24)
Weighted average for the world: 100

Gee, maybe there’s something to the theory.

Where did I get started on this tangent? Oh yeah, the “inhumane” nature of lethal injection. Here’s the scientific article saying it’s bad. Read it all, then come back and read this:

I grabbed this at random from Dead Man Eating:

SOUTH DAKOTA LAST MEAL
ELIJAH PAGE
July 11, 2007

Last Meal: Page had a final meal request of steak with A-1 sauce, jalapeno poppers with cream sauce, onion rings, and a salad with cherry tomatoes, ham chunks, shredded cheese, bacon bits, and blue cheese and ranch dressing. He wanted lemon iced tea and coffee to drink and ice cream for dessert.

The skinny: Page, 25, was executed for the torturing and killing a 19-year-old man following a robbery.

It was South Dakota's first execution in 60 years.

More skinny: Page and two other young men were convicted of killing a 19-year old "friend," near the town of Spearfish in the rural west of South Dakota.

The victim was kidnapped at gunpoint, then tortured for almost 3 hours before his death. He was forced to drink acid, repeatedly kicked and beaten, stabbed in the head and torso, and forced to remove his clothing in an icy creek.

His body was not found until a month later.

Upon his arrest in Texas, Page admitted his involvement in the murder. Page later pled guilty, received a death sentence, and waived appeals.

Accomplice Briley Piper, age 19, also pled guilty and was sentenced to death. Accomplice Darrell Hoadley, age 20, is serving a sentence of life without parole.

Last words and such: Asked if he had any last words, Page replied, "No." Asked if he understood the question Page responded, "Yes, no last words."

I really hope he enjoyed his jalapeño poppers. I wish I knew what flavor ice cream he asked for.

I also hope the execution procedure was a complete fuck-up, totally in line with the scientific article linked above.

Yes, the death penalty is retributive. Ain’t got nothing to do with general deterrence. It does, however, help the recidivism rate, eh?