Angry lesbians play dodgeball with puppies

There is just no substitute for anger in Anger Management class. This 32 year-old chick is sitting minding her own business in AM class when – out of the blue – this guy walks up and asks to sit next to her!

Without batting one of those pretty eyelashes, our heroine says, "I'm going to put a cap in you and send you to heaven." Can you blame her? Other seats were available and, even if none were, he could have sat on the floor. But, no! Mr. That’s-my-seat has to sit next to her!

But let’s not jump to conclusions. Let’s deconstruct what she said. Google define:cap helpfully instructs us that a cap is, “a tight-fitting headdress,” (you look cold, son, may I give you a bonnet?), “something serving as a cover or protection,” (you are being exposed to this caustic environment, my friend, let me at least shield your eyes from these glaring lights), or “crownwork: dental appliance consisting of an artificial crown for a tooth,” (you seemed to have dropped something – oh, it’s a gold tooth!). This latter comment would explain why the cap was going “in” him and also the “Heaven” assignation (an exposed tooth is rather uncomfortable).

Despite her helpful comments, did he respond in kind? No. So she said it again - "I'm going to put a cap in you and send you to heaven." And again. And again.

Did Mr. I-have-to-sit-here-or-nowhere-and-shut-up-and-leave-me-alone sit somewhere else? No. What did he do? He started to CRY! A 26 year-old man started to cry because he couldn’t have the seat next to out heroine and refused on-the-spot dental reconstructive surgery. Loser. I hope the exposed tooth gets infected, he develops Jaw Rot, has to sip his food through a straw, and eventually dies in agony.

Our heroine gets upset and should have! Bad enough you have to go to anger management class, but this loser joins in? Give me a break. She proceeds to exit the room and (doesn’t it always happen?) somebody moved a display case to be in her way. You can’t just move those things by yourself – they’re heavy! Whack! Whack! Whack! Our heroine punches the big bad display case out of her way.

As if that isn’t aggravating enough, the stupid police have to get involved! Just can’t leave well enough alone, can they? They should be out there arresting real criminals, but no, they have to harass and intimidate our heroine. Unbelievable. They shouldn’t be surprised, then, that restraints were necessary at the county jail.

In case you want to send her a letter of support, here is her contact information – Teresa Prenderville, 2956 Brown Street, Portage, IN 46368-3940. Please consider donating to her dental hygienist tuition fund.

Go, Terry! And good luck with your new career!

You lesbian? No puppy for you! I try to keep up with the latest trends in macho-sado-gay-hetero-animal-blowupdoll-carmuffler-heylittleboywantapieceofcandy sex tricks. It’s a hobby of mine. But the lesbian-puppy thing somehow escaped my probing eye. I understand a reluctance to sell puppies to members of certain canis-focused cuisine cultures. Even a southern redneck with that certain twinkle in his eye as he said, “I like that one,” could engender a hesitation in ringing up the sale. But lesbians? Does the breed matter? The gender? I must do more research.

I wonder if they got the age wrong in the anger-management article above? This behavior reads suspiciously close to the audacity of our May-I-sit-here-screw-you-and-your-dental-career friend above.

Seems a youth pastor (likely cover story for an AM loser) wanted his youth group to pay dodgeball. Only the unspoken rule was just that – unspoken. One 16 year-old contestant innocently tossed the ball towards Mr. I’m-an-AM-reject-you-can’t-hit-me and does, in fact, fail to hit him. In a friendly gesture to achieve the object of the game – to wit, to hit the other players with the ball – our 16 year-old hero gently tossed the ball a second time. Somehow or another, Mr. Loser’s face came in contact with the air-borne orb. Glasses became dislodged from face.

Fresh from his appearance in Portage, Indiana, and now playing a youth pastor in Excelsior Springs, Missouri, our demon-possessed friend loses it. Rushing toward the 16 year-old child, he pushed him to the ground and then thwarted an attempt to get up by kicking him in the balls. Our child suffered, “whiplash and post-concussion syndrome and had blood in his urine.”

The likely scene of the crime can be viewed here.

Hey, David M. Boudreaux, youth pastor now on administrative leave, I’m not so sure that your brother, the lead pastor, meant you to take it literally when they wrote of the youth ministry, “Crescent Lake’s youth ministries are contemporary, relevant, and high impact.” You, our serial anger-management failure, are the very face of a loser – this puds for you!

Send your letters of support to: Crescent Lake Christian Center, 1250 St. Louis Avenue, Excelsior Springs, MO 64024-2937.