stage diving into frog execrement

For those of you keeping score, I come up BIG – Number 8 out of 1.02 million – when you google “jock panties.” I have written so many words that I am not disturbed at the ranking. Turns out my position is from the crack I made about “lunatics with bunched panties and jock itch” running for president. What does disturb me is someone sitting in Melrose Park, Illinois, USA, at 11:20 PM, and searching the net for such a thing. Melrose Park claims to be a “village,” and it sits just west of Chicago. Every village has its idiot, I guess. Look at the mayor on their website, Ronald Serpico. Looks like the panty type, eh? Bushy eyebrows, head like a thumb. Probably looks nice in pink or a very light shade of purple. Not that much different from J. Edgar Hoover in his dress. Sorry, Ron, no offense meant. I am sure your butt is way nicer than J. Edgar’s. Brrrrr, eh? That boy just didn’t exercise enough. Nasty rice pudding thighs leading up to rotten-grapefruits-in-a-plastic-bag cheeks. Packing all of that into queen-size tummy-tucker pantyho-- I’m gonna throw up. brb.

Let’s see what other sick f*cks we have out there scraping through the bowels of the internet … ah, here we go. Google Number 6 of 47,100 for some puke that searched “pictures frog excrement.” Um, WTF? Was it a scientific inquiry? Maybe since the sun was set in Jacksonville, Florida, USA, at 11:12 PM it was just not possible to walk around and find some. But one would think a flashlight and a little diligence would yield an abundance of specimens. Although, why go looking when you can surf the net and find high quality pics from other vermin such as you. You know, pal, when you google something, hit the “images” top left and you will get your pics. Your way just yields narrative. You wanted narrative? You wanted to read about people and frogs and excrement and … just go away. Now. Dry heaves. brb.

One search made me sad. Ask.com was queried, “what is the meaning of three crosses on the side of interstate 81?”. I came up on the second page. The searcher routed through LA, but Route 81 is a local interstate that ends in the south, nowhere near SoCal. I hope he found the link to the Bible on the right. How can someone be, presumably, old enough to drive and not know the story of Christ in even the most fundamental of ways? I may be a real dick sometimes, an incredible sinner, but I know where my salvation lies. I know where I push the limit and where I cross the line. At least the guy is searching for answers. I hope he finds them. God has a funny way of reaching back when you reach for Him.

Reminds me of when I was 15 or so. I wanted to read the Bible. I was living in a home with other people, but was truly alone. I figured you started to read it like any other book – so I opened to page one. A few days into reading, I got mail. I never got mail. This letter was mass-printed, but addressed to me. It read, “We understand you are just beginning to read the Bible. Might we suggest you start with the Gospels.” I hadn’t told a soul, and did my reading alone at night.

Yeah, reach out to God, and He reaches back. Remarkable.

I took my daughter to see Blindside at the Knitting Factory in NYC a week ago. In the video below, you may be able to see the back of my head. We were at the stage, right side, directly in front of the bassist. Nuf said. Hurts to watch this. Back left side of my side begins to twitch.



See the clown on stage? Christian, the lead singer, pushed him off. Kinda funny. I think it was the same guy another time that got back on stage and didn’t survey the crowd very well. He “stage dove” to our side. Everyone just moved out of his way. Thump! Smile.

You can view nine videos if you like. Have fun.

Although, to be honest, we met the band afterward. Genuinely nice guys.

Alright, enough procrastination. Gotta focus.