pass the popcorn!

This seems to be the movie that has Muslims with their burkas in a bunch. I have no issue with it whatsoever. You may need to log in to You Tube first - not sure.

But first a trailer!



And now for our feature presentation:



Why should it bother me? Below is a movie with a real Muslim speaking his mind.



If people can portray Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell as extremists and thereafter declare that they are not condemning all Christians, then I have no issue with condemning some acts by some people done in the name of Islam.

Pretty clear to me.

Post Script - been spending a little on the net searching over FITNA issues. Seems the screamers are screaming loudly. Like they can actually control information? Are they from the Dark Ages? Oh, yeah. Dumb question. Withdrawn. Well, just in case ...

Here’s the Wikipedia write-up. Good parsing of the movie.

Wikileaks will probably ensure access to the movie forever, but just in case, here is the link to the torrent.

I have downloaded the movie and will post it on my own if needed.

the doctor is in 5

just learned something about odiogo audio - i need to use different titles. it associated this post with an older one. so i am deleting and reposting. will use doctor is in 5 ... then 6 ...

Today we are presented with a 68 year-old. We’ll get to his story in a few. First, the pics …


Oh my! Looks like the dude swallowed somebody’s scrotum! That’s gross. I mean, nuts still wrapped up like a couple mini-pillows just-for-to-sleep-on-honey-oh-no-thank-you! seem to be lodged in this guy’s throat. Wanna have some fun? Take your browser slider and move it up and down a bit – the old chin strap seems to move around as if it were riding free in a pair of Levi’s and we are frolicking in a meadow feeling free and pretty like those girls that wear panti-liners. Hey, wait a sec … look at that kinda sorta line of white under the scrotal package. Odd. Wonder what it is. Better look at the next pic.


AAHH!! AAAHHHH!!!! AAHHH!!! NO!!! SAY IT ISN’T SO!!! AAAHHHHH!!!! IT IS!!! The dude SWALLOWED somebody’s DICK!! AHHH!! AAAAHHHHH!!! NNOOOOO!!!!! AND IT WAS STILL PUMPING THE LOVE JUICE!!! IT’S RIGHT THERE! LJ’S STILL DRIPPING!! IT’S IN HIM. NOO!!! AAAHHHH!!!!!

This boy better have a good story. Ain’t never no reason no-how to go chomping down on the spanker, and in particular … AAHH!! AAAHHHH!!!! THE DUDE HAD HIS LOVE PUMP LOVING IN SOME OTHER DUDE’S MOUTH AND GOT BIT BIG TIME! AAHH!! AAAHHHH!!!! And then this low-down geriatric sexual purveyor of “Dick: The Other White Meat” couldn’t stop there – he had to take the lil buddies, too? Damn, man, what is you thinking?

You better have a DAMN fine story, or I am going toss HIPAA right out that window, track down your sorry ass, and perform a stomach stapling without anesthesia. You won’t eat another thing, son, for the rest of your days. You done had your last meal!

Alright – cough, I want the story. I’m listening.

BACKGROUND

A 68-year-old (sixty-eight, 68! You should know better, son! Ain’t your dick still attached? You like it there? You tinkle on a regular basis? What is wrong with you?), previously healthy white man (I knew he was white, just by viewing the crime scene – I knew it. Yeah, “previously healthy” until you started chomping. I oughta kick your ass right through this cyber-diagnosis) presents to his primary care physician’s office with a complaint of 2 years of progressive dysphagia (Two years, my ass! That dick still dripping momma’s milk! You lie so bad). He reports that he has lost about 15-20 lb and that he is not following any diet or regimen to lose weight (unsafe sexual practices can lead to weight lose, too, grampaw. I don’t see no rubber on that rascal. You surfing bareback. Why you surprised you losing weight? Probably fit into a size 9 cocktail dress now, don’t you?). Although he can drink liquids without difficulty, he has lately felt a “sticky sensation” in the middle of his throat (it’s still dripping – can’t you people see that? Of course it’s sticky! It’s gots to stick to the egg – it’s designed that way! HEY – THE DUDE BIT OFF AND SWALLOWED SOMEBODY’S DICK THEN WENT AFTER THE MUD FLAP! YEAH – STICKY – SURPRISED? You want to know what is even more sticky? When the now-flapless-and-dickless partner goes home to his WIFE and has to EXPLAIN where his DICK went – and STILL is!) when he eats any solid food (I think our friend has had enough solid food for one lifetime). He also regurgitates food particles from a particular meal for up to 2 days after he has eaten it (I am positive this is true. Yes, whatever he eats comes back up. Yes. I have no problem believing this).

On physical examination, the patient’s vital signs are within the normal range. The examination of the oropharynx yields unremarkable findings. The patient has no neck mass or other abnormality. Examination of the thorax and the abdomen also yield unremarkable results. (Blah, blah blah. The formerly attached dick lost its erection. You would, too, with a good bite-down. So of course you don’t feel anything in there. It’s sticky – but soft.)

HINT
Observe the saclike structure in the esophagus. (Scrotal fun buns, dick. Saw them. Thanks.)

ANSWER
Zenker (so that’s his name. Better write that down. I can find him. No problem. I’ll do the Whistle Test. Little known fact: Dicks lodged in throats prevent whistling. Something about the way air moves in the diaphragm. I’ll find every 68 year-old Zenker in America and make them whistle. When one can’t – I’ll have my man!) (pharyngoesophageal) diverticulum: The frontal (see Image 1) and lateral (see Image 2) barium-swallow images of the upper esophagus demonstrate a large outpouching (what a great medical term, “outpouching.” I prefer “lodged spanker.”) at the posterior aspect of the pharyngoesophageal junction that retains barium (arrows) (I think “barium” is code for “seminal fluid”). This finding is consistent with a Zenker diverticulum (Latin for “pervert.” Zenker, Pervert. Now I have a complete name. This dude is so toast).

A Zenker diverticulum, also called a pharyngoesophageal diverticulum, is a pseudodiverticulum (note, “pseudo” – this answer is full of code only us internet docs can read) consisting of esophageal mucosa and submucosa (read, “seminal fluid”) that herniate (“the buddies”) posteriorly between the cricopharyngeus and the inferior pharyngeal constrictor muscles (like a pirate map to show you where to find your nuts if your wife said, “go back and get them! And don’t return until you do!”) and through an area of potential weakness referred to as the Killian dehiscence (the first clue as to the victim’s identity – a Mr. Killian). The pathogenesis of this condition is not well known (this means that they don’t have much information on Mr. Killian – must have been a chance encounter in a bar, mayeb a glory hole). Patients with a Zenker diverticulum are thought to have a discoordination of the swallowing mechanism that increases pressure on the mucosa of the pharynx (this “discoordination” means that he didn’t want to bite the guy’s dick off – but got the “mucosa” thing happening, which means he did bite the guy’s dick off). Over time, this pressure leads to herniation of the esophageal mucosa through the Killian dehiscence (“Over time … herniation” – Mr. P. Zenker bite off the dick of one Mr. Killian, and then bit off and removed the remainder of the male package).

The condition occurs most commonly in elderly women (this should come as no surprise), with peak incidence in the seventh to ninth decades of life (OK, good information. No wonder older men tend to be so quiet – fear of being Zenkered). The most common presenting feature in a Zenker diverticulum is upper-esophageal dysphagia, which occurs in as many as 98% of patients (this means that the dick get lodged pretty high up). Other common symptoms are halitosis (you’ve got a dick in your throat, probably been there for days – of course your breath stinks), regurgitation of undigested food, aspiration, noisy deglutition, and changes in voice (eg, hoarseness) (yeah, what about the change in voice in the bitee?). Weight loss, possibly resulting from limited caloric intake (tough to get calories around that thing in your throat, eh, grammaw?) and recurrent pulmonary infection from aspiration, occurs in approximately one third of patients.

(Blah, blah, blah. Read the rest of the pseudo-answer if you like. Here’s the bottom line. Diagnosis: Dick and Scotty lodged in throat. Recommended treatment: Shoot him right between the legs, then between the eyes. Put his crime on prune juice containers for all prospective criminals to see – face, facts, final disposition – under the caption, “Don’t be a Zenker!”)

In patients with a Zenker diverticulum, the physical findings are usually normal. Fluoroscopic barium-swallow studies are the mainstay of diagnosis and demonstrate the characteristic outpouching that arises from the midline of the posterior wall of the distal pharynx near the pharyngoesophageal junction. This finding is best identified during swallowing, and it is typically seen on lateral images, on which the diverticulum is observed at the C5-C6 vertebral level. If the diverticulum is large, it may protrude laterally, most often to the left side. After the bolus of contrast agent passes the upper esophagus, the diverticulum is typically seen extending posterior to the cricopharyngeus muscle, and the contrast material that was retained in the diverticulum may be regurgitated into the hypopharynx. The lumen of the diverticulum should be carefully observed for irregularities or filling defects because squamous cell carcinoma can develop in a small percentage of cases.

When incidentally imaged on computed tomography (CT) scans or magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) scans, a Zenker diverticulum appears as a structure that arises posteriorly from the hypopharynx and is filled with air, fluid, or oral contrast material. Zenker diverticula may also be found on endoscopy. Care must be taken during endoscopic procedures, because passage of the endoscope into the diverticulum may result in perforation.

Small, asymptomatic diverticula may be followed up by monitoring the progression of symptoms. Surgical management should be considered in patients with clinically significant dysphagia, weight loss, pulmonary aspiration with recurrent lung infections, and complications related to bleeding. Surgical options for treatment include myotomy of the cricopharyngeus muscle, with or without diverticulopexy, and endoscopic division of diverticular wall with stapling. The success rate (ie, the relief of symptoms as measured in most studies) is approximately 93%.

safe and unsafe things to do in your home

I was strolling through the Gallery of Regrettable Food and found a gem: a 1959 recipe booklet from Knudsen Dairy Products.

Yummy! How fun to see what they were eating as I was experiencing my first months post-partum. Let’s turn the pages (I’ll put the pics here – but you can read the source’s commentary, too. He’s pretty funny).

The first item is, um, green, like a stagnant-pond green but without the promise of teeming life beneath. Oh my. It’s called, “Fruit Ring Mold with Dressing.” “Dressing”? Looks like ranch salad dressing. You put dressing on jell-o? OK, so the first one isn’t too appetiz---. Wait! What’s that underneath? Tell me isn’t a … oh, barf, it is! A Cottage Cheese Log. Gag reflex! I need some Tums to settle my stomach. brb.

Alright, look. One page. No problem. Can only go up from here.

AH, what do we have here! Looks like a salad. Um, “Chicken Curry Salad”! OK. I don’t eat meat, but that’s remotely digestible if you like dead farm animals. What’s that on the bottom? The orangy square thing .. well, jell-o mold, yes. Sign of the times. Let’s just accept that. What’s in it? Oh no. You must be kidding! Please, no. Please. “Corned Beef Salad Loaf.”


Production Step One: Take a cut of beef (usually brisket, but sometimes round or silverside) and cure or pickle it in a seasoned brine. The "corn" in "corned beef" refers to the "corn" or grains of coarse salts used to cure it.

Production Step Two: Make gelatin. The production of gelatin starts with the boiling of cattle bones or pig skins; contrary to popular perception, horns and hooves are not used. This material is then soaked with acid or alkali in large vats to extract and hydrolyse the protein collagen. The extract is then dried and ground to form a powder.

Cut the corned beef in tiny pieces, then suspend in a water, sugar, and gelatin mixture.

Garnish. Serve cold..

Bowels loosening. Need Kaopectate. brb. Let’s see … dosing, dosing, dosing. Ah, there it is! “Adults and children 12 years of age and older—The usual dose is 1200 to 1500 milligrams (mg) taken after each loose bowel movement. No more than 9000 mg should be taken in twenty-four hours.” What the hell is 1200 milligrams? Here. Two swigs.

Turn page.

“Creamed lobster.” Remove lobster from shell, diced, mix with cream cheese, return to shell, and broil. That’s a stretch. No intestinal reaction, so let’s move on before something kicks in. Page!

What the hell is that thing with the green olives? Chicken and sour cream. Oh, that explains it. But wait. It seems the way this book is unfolding, that they expected the recipes here to mix with and sit on top of … the … cor-- … gurgle … the corned be-- … gloop! … that mold thing! {unmentionable}.

Excuse me. I need to go wipe myself. Where’s the Kao? Two more --- fuck it --- half a bottle! brb.

Lookey what’s on top! Why, it “Tomato Steaks in Sour Cream”! How about – “Lycopene Suspended in Heart Failure”? My word! Did you know that life expectancy for a white male born in 1930 (my dad) – the target audience for booklets like this – was almost 63 years, and that a white male born now is over 80 years? Don’t let them kid you – it has nothing to do with advances in medical diagnosis and treatment. It is 100% due to recipes like this one going the route of the USSR. In fact, this whole booklet feels like a communist plot. “Ve hav vays uf dealink vef ze Amerikans. Zay shal die by zer uwn hahns. Glutinouz fuls! Zest hav patienz, Comrade. Ze Knudsen Prozet zall suczede!”

Well, the good news is my anger at our Cold War foes has seemed to firm up my stool. That’s a good thing!

OK, I can’t risk anymore “recipes” (boy, is that term used loosely … ut oh! Bad word … brb. Kao! gulp, gulp, gulp!). I need something, um, firming, if you know what I mean.

Let’s see, hey! Here we go! It seems that adding Viagra to cut flowers makes them last twice as long!.


Each pill is 50 mg; all the flowers need is 1 mg. So very cool. There’s a real economic benefit here. Lots of places, like B&Bs, constantly replenish their cut flowers. New ones needed each week. The researchers found that flowers last two weeks instead of one. At $3.00 a pill – and 1/50th of that – that’s 6 cents to double the life of your cut flowers. Money in the bank.

It reminds me, I had a guy google ”what is safe household product to masturbate with”. I came in 20th. The guy was focused enough to go to the 2d page. Man. Here you go, you sick prick! Shave a corner off that little blue pill, mix in water, feed it to your cut flowers, take the rest yourself – and you have yourself a masturbation party! Get up close and rub some pollen on your face, you societal reject.

So, like, if you put all male flowers in the vase, do they become gay? If you have mixed gender, do they keep your guests awake and propagate overnight? If you get a closed bud and jerk it off, does the pollen shoot onto the wall? Ah, the telltale yellow stains on the B&B breakfast room wall. Be warned! If you see them, don’t ask – just check out. Worse yet, if you walk in and the proprietor has a jaundiced look, don’t even check in!

If we take it, and the Spanker doesn’t go half-mast within four hours, we’re supposed to seek medical attention. Do the male flowers, as they crank into their 2d week, get all, “hey WTF?!? We need a doctor here!” The little signs they made up so jovially and placed in front of the gay vase during the first few days that read, “Parking in Rear,” are now a mess of pollen that seems to read, “Help!”

Alright, colon stabilized. Quit while I am ahead.

stage diving into frog execrement

For those of you keeping score, I come up BIG – Number 8 out of 1.02 million – when you google “jock panties.” I have written so many words that I am not disturbed at the ranking. Turns out my position is from the crack I made about “lunatics with bunched panties and jock itch” running for president. What does disturb me is someone sitting in Melrose Park, Illinois, USA, at 11:20 PM, and searching the net for such a thing. Melrose Park claims to be a “village,” and it sits just west of Chicago. Every village has its idiot, I guess. Look at the mayor on their website, Ronald Serpico. Looks like the panty type, eh? Bushy eyebrows, head like a thumb. Probably looks nice in pink or a very light shade of purple. Not that much different from J. Edgar Hoover in his dress. Sorry, Ron, no offense meant. I am sure your butt is way nicer than J. Edgar’s. Brrrrr, eh? That boy just didn’t exercise enough. Nasty rice pudding thighs leading up to rotten-grapefruits-in-a-plastic-bag cheeks. Packing all of that into queen-size tummy-tucker pantyho-- I’m gonna throw up. brb.

Let’s see what other sick f*cks we have out there scraping through the bowels of the internet … ah, here we go. Google Number 6 of 47,100 for some puke that searched “pictures frog excrement.” Um, WTF? Was it a scientific inquiry? Maybe since the sun was set in Jacksonville, Florida, USA, at 11:12 PM it was just not possible to walk around and find some. But one would think a flashlight and a little diligence would yield an abundance of specimens. Although, why go looking when you can surf the net and find high quality pics from other vermin such as you. You know, pal, when you google something, hit the “images” top left and you will get your pics. Your way just yields narrative. You wanted narrative? You wanted to read about people and frogs and excrement and … just go away. Now. Dry heaves. brb.

One search made me sad. Ask.com was queried, “what is the meaning of three crosses on the side of interstate 81?”. I came up on the second page. The searcher routed through LA, but Route 81 is a local interstate that ends in the south, nowhere near SoCal. I hope he found the link to the Bible on the right. How can someone be, presumably, old enough to drive and not know the story of Christ in even the most fundamental of ways? I may be a real dick sometimes, an incredible sinner, but I know where my salvation lies. I know where I push the limit and where I cross the line. At least the guy is searching for answers. I hope he finds them. God has a funny way of reaching back when you reach for Him.

Reminds me of when I was 15 or so. I wanted to read the Bible. I was living in a home with other people, but was truly alone. I figured you started to read it like any other book – so I opened to page one. A few days into reading, I got mail. I never got mail. This letter was mass-printed, but addressed to me. It read, “We understand you are just beginning to read the Bible. Might we suggest you start with the Gospels.” I hadn’t told a soul, and did my reading alone at night.

Yeah, reach out to God, and He reaches back. Remarkable.

I took my daughter to see Blindside at the Knitting Factory in NYC a week ago. In the video below, you may be able to see the back of my head. We were at the stage, right side, directly in front of the bassist. Nuf said. Hurts to watch this. Back left side of my side begins to twitch.



See the clown on stage? Christian, the lead singer, pushed him off. Kinda funny. I think it was the same guy another time that got back on stage and didn’t survey the crowd very well. He “stage dove” to our side. Everyone just moved out of his way. Thump! Smile.

You can view nine videos if you like. Have fun.

Although, to be honest, we met the band afterward. Genuinely nice guys.

Alright, enough procrastination. Gotta focus.

Deviance vs. Nonconformity

There is a difference between nonconformity and deviance. Nonconformity = cartoons, freedom of expression; deviance = criminal behavior. (Yeah, I teach criminal justice – I know, cut me a break, I’m making a point here. See the post or two below this one.) Below is a collection of deviance. Way beyond nonconformity. We learning anything yet? Pay attention. There will be a quiz.

Dude kills a 15 year old for walking on his lawn. Seems a little extreme.

The guy’s just a harmless panty sniffer. But, pal, 1,300 pairs! What’re thinking, buddy? Like to wear things that make you feel pretty? Somebody had to count these. Do you get hazard pay for that? Bet the cop union missed that potential when they negotiated the contract.

This is the true menace in society: men posting as sick boys on the net to get girls to send sexually explicit pics. 12 to 14 year olds? Dude, they are way cuter at 18 and up. C’mon, you’re 31! What is wrong with you?

He shot the cable guy? And it wasn’t even because he violated the, “I’ll be there between 8 and 12” rule by showing up at 2. He shot him because his own television set wasn’t cable-ready. Man. We need a little love here, people.

“I got an idea, honey, let’s fake our daughter’s kidnapping and get back at my sister and ex-girlfriend.” “Yeah, good plan.” “Yeah, I know we don’t live together, you and me, but we can make this work. We’ll put some of her school papers in their yard. Nobody’ll suspect anything.” Unspoken in the story, it seems, that maybe the dude’s girlfriend became an ex- by taking up with the guy’s sister. Small world.

What do you get a couple that has millions of dollars, a mansion, and everything else money can buy? How about a couple of slaves? Wow. Just frickin’ wow.

The neighbor’s front door kept slamming. Door goes slam Slam SLAM! That’s IT! The partially blind, one-legged diabetic guy grabs a 10-inch knife and “terrified” his neighbors. Which part terrified them?

Dude goes to the trouble of stealing an entire tractor-trailer with a full load. It’s like a big treasure box! I wonder what is inside? Something really, really good, I bet! How about $250,000 of Skittles? Ouch, my colon knotted up at just the thought of it.

Fifty year-old guy lives with mom. OK, you already know we have a problem. He rents a working girl and brings her home. He brought his ho home? Oh, this is going to get bad. Ah, new problem: seems the dude only looked like a lady. Working girl was actually working guy dressed like a girl. 50 year-old mom’s boy didn’t quit know how to take the slight. So he took a garden hoe to the ho and killed him/her. Here’s a good test: talk dirty to your ho – if her pants gets tighter, it’s best to move on.

Thirty-two counts of sexual assault and domestic violence for Silly the Clown. Never liked clowns. See what happens when you presume the surface of someone reflects their inside? Sublimation …

Mom gets fed up with daughter being picked on. So she gets on the school bus and tells her 9 year-old to smack the kid. Um, I don’t understand. Where’s the crime?

OK, Quiz time!

1. When a deviant loves his lawn and a kid insists on crossing it, the deviant shoots him dead. Given the same facts, a nonconformist would:

A. Politely ask the youth to stay off the lawn, and proceed to explain the deleterious effect of repeated ingress and egress on the grass.
B. Place signs that read, “Please stay off the grass!” (adorned with smiley faces) at strategic locations around the perimeter of the property.
C. Sit in a lawn chair in the middle of the lawn 24/7 on the assumption that his presence would deter the casual trespass.
D. Track the path usually walked by the youth, and populate said area with all manner of foul material including itching powder, bovine fecal stuff, horse urine, and athlete’s-foot-in-a-can.

2. When a deviant brings a prostitute home to meet his mom, and the mom says, “Tommy, why are you wearing a dress?” the deviant takes a hoe to the ho. Given the same facts, a nonconformist would:

A. Do the same thing. Contractual breach, according to the Code of Hammurabi, is punishable by death.
B. Break down in tears, beg his mother to love him anyway, and commence with his nightly cold vinegar enema even though it is two hours before nighty-nighty time.
C. Ask mommy to go to bed, then realize the sexual fantasy he’s been nursing since he was 12.
D. Break out a bottle of Jack Daniels, ask as many questions as he could think of, and proceed to write a short story about an incredibly interesting life he was lucky enough to cross paths with an evening.

3. When a pair of deviants has everything money can buy, they add to their possessions by getting a couple of slaves. Given the same facts, a nonconformist would:

A. Also buy a cotton farm.
B. Learn southern gospel songs and have sing-alongs after the dinner dishes were cleaned.
C. Write scripts for plays, make the slaves perform, and sit in the audience wearing blackface.
D. Sign everything of value over to the enslaved, and ask the former slaves to hire them as their cleaning staff.

4. When a partially blind, one-legged diabetic deviant hears the door slam once too often, he grabs a big knife and threatens the offenders. Given the same facts, a nonconformist would:

A. Bounce up and down on his one leg on their front yard, sans knife, singing Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” until the neighbors made the connection of one annoying behavior for another.
B. Set up a lemonade stand on his front yard with a sign that reads, “Charity to buy weather striping for a-hole neighbor’s front door.”
C. Slip next door in the middle of the night and Gorilla glue their door shut.
D. All of the above.

(Answer key: If you answered “D” to all of the questions, then you are a nonconformist. If you answered any other letter to any question, then you’re a deviant and should do us all a favor by advancing your expiration date.)