Thursday, January 3, 2008

they be out there, they be!

Regina, Saskatchewan, must lack nightlife. This dude (?) asks Yahoo! to find naughty talk to help me masterbait. Glad to help with the number one return. Makes me happy that I added Odiago to the site. Give a post a few hours and the audio feed comes back. You can even download the MP3 and take me with you! Let me start you off, ok? Oh baby, you are so, um, yes, that, oh, do that! Yes, mmm, wow. Tell me you’re Jewish! Oh, yes! Was that good for you, too?

I continue to get hits from left hand side dot com for a post I did on being left handed. I like people that link to me, including nice people like cookie bitch and totally unauthorized.

Los Angeles wants to know how to tell a girl masterbaits. Before I backtracked the hit to google, I just knew it was my catholic girls post and pleased that we got number one placement. So how do you tell? It is to laugh. Let’s put it this way: It is much easier to tell a girl that does not masturbate. Now get out a tablet, make two columns, and start observing. It’ll be come clear soon enough.

How the hell do I get number one ranking on spring cooter fest anderson sc? I did one post!

Someone’s getting a spanking tonight! Good old comcast dot net responds to one stop porn shop spokane with our Spokane is for Lovers. I am so glad the internet can answer any need.

Lincroft, NJ, googles "your wife masturbates" and returns number one with catholic girls. The guy even used the quotation marks. Hey! Fuck you, buddy! Mind your own business.

Remember that post on Ron Mueck, sculptor guy? Amazing work. He doesn’t have his own website, and we return third on google from ron mueck official site. I guess his work is too limited to warrant anything but a highly specialized market that is already saturated with demand.

Calcutta, India, wants to know something: can marigold petals give fairness?. We’re third on google with eggs are gonna kill me. Short answer: no. Go away. Flower petals don’t give anything. They die. They shrivel up and die. Generally speaking, you can’t even get high smoking them. They. Give. Nothing.

I sure hope Los Angeles got a better answer to their concern that nothing is coming out of the dryer exhaust than give him a fair trial then hand him. Let me know how it worked out for you! The internet can be such a dangerous place to go for information – go figure!

Now here is something to be proud of (of which to be proud – yeah, yeah, yeah). Using Microsoft Live and searching whose right leg was 3/4" longer than his left leg? scans the billions and billions of web pages and returns our October 2007 Archive … but not just as the number one return. That is common as demonstrated above. No. In fact, hell no! The entirety of the digital knowledge of mankind is scanned, sorted, and presented as … wait for it … as the ONLY hit! I sure hope Pasco, Washington, isn’t too disappointed. May I suggest being a little less specific in your search string?

It’s fun coming up third for "it all falls into place," alice in wonderland. That return is driven by the Alice stuff in the sidebar. The very first version is linked there, besides the two commonly known ones.

I am feeling kind today, so I am leaving unlinked the requests for advice on household products and other more direct inquiries for step-by-step instructions. I think some are honest inquiries by young people. Oh well! Sorry you happened upon me – poor kiddies! I hope you are not scarred. Emotional scars heal so slowly. Here, read some of her diaries. You’ll be a pro by the third chapter. Patience, kids. And stay away from household appliances and foodstuffs. Please. Play safely. Write me! On second thought – don’t write me. That’s creepy. Stay away.

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