friedy turns 163

A well-done commercial can be worth its weight in gold. Look at how much a company image is shaped by things having nothing to do with its product – the Caveguys have nothing to do with insurance. Those characters could have been created for a multitude of industries.

Twenty-some years ago, E&J Gallo introduced the Bartles & Jaymes Wine Cooler. Two old guys that we were led to believe owned this little wine business did the commercials. They were so believable that when they said they needed sales to help with make a mortgage payment, people sent in money. Here’s their bit:



I am sure I can find something more for us common people, but if you are in the business here’s a site (fee-based) with every commercial since 1975. Seems excessive.

These are old, but free. I found another collection with a searchable database.

Why am I looking at commercials? Well, J got me started on commercials on YouTube. She sent me the first one below. I burned out pretty quickly, but did net two more.

I don’t suggest you watch this one at work if your volume travels …


Toyota comes through …


The benefit of sports club …


Onward.

If you’re playing along at home, in honor of the Cut Flowers/Viagra crack in the post immediately below, I updated Reason #3 in the Top Ten Reasons Your Wife Masturbates in the lower part of the post.

I looked up Today in History (front page – plug in your date), and after all the self-flagellation lately with the words of Friedrich Nietzsche, it turns out that today is his birthday. Almost funny. Would have been 163. Happy birthday, Friedy!

Let’s scan the day’s other events … Hermann Goering poisoned himself in 1946; pussy used cyanide two hours before he was going to hang … in 1520, King Henry VIII of England orders bowling lanes at Whitehall; this is the dude that decapitated people regularly – guess you can’t have enough bowling balls … it’s “Alaska Day” in Alaska; WTF? You needed another holiday and that was the best name you could come up with? … wanna feel old? Bob Weir is 60 tomorrow; if you don’t know, it doesn’t matter – just a long, strange trip.

Also today, in 1905, President Grover Cleveland (Democrat, if case you’re wondering) wrote an article for Ladies Home Journal, joining others in the U.S. who opposed women voters. The president said, “We all know how much further women go than men in their social rivalries and jealousies... sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.” At least the dems have been consistent – same folks that worked to defeat the Civil Rights Act in 1964. It’s what happens when your soul is defined by having someone lick your ass then you stick it up in the air to see what way the wind is blowing. I don’t do politics anymore, sorry. Just dislike hypocritical pathetic losers. OK. Done.

I’m excruciatingly bored. Can you tell?

eggs are gonna kill me

Here’s a good fact. Not quite sure what to do with it yet, but it’s a good fact. To wit, “Cornell University professor Kavous Keshavarz, poultry czar states that an egg initially moves through the chicken's oviduct small end first. When it reaches the uterus, however, it hardens (that is, the shell calcifies), rotates 180 degrees, and makes the rest of the trip big end first. This may sound like doing it the hard way, but actually it's the most efficient way to push the egg. When the muscles of the chicken's uterine and vaginal walls squeeze the egg's small (i.e., back) end, it squirts forward and out into the cold cruel world.”

If you haven’t noticed, I am bored to tears … I am writing about eggs, for god’s sake.

Let’s go to class, shall we? An often-misunderstood portion of the egg is the
chalazae cords. These thick, twisted strands of egg white anchor the yolk in place. They are neither imperfections nor embryos. The more prominent the chalazae, the fresher the egg. Chalazae do not interfere with cooking or with whipping egg whites.

I didn’t know that, did you?

Just shoot me. Writing about eggs?! WTF?

Want some fun facts?

No.

A hen requires 24 to 26 hours to produce an egg. Thirty minutes later, she starts all over again.

The egg shell may have as many as 17,000 tiny pores over its surface. Through them, the egg can absorb flavors and odors. Storing them in their cartons helps keep them fresh.

Eggs age more in one day at room temperature than in one week in the refrigerator.

Stop! You’re killing me!

About 240 million laying hens produce approximately 5.5 billion dozen eggs per year in the United States.

White shelled eggs are produced by hens with white feathers and ear lobes. Brown shelled eggs are produced by hens with red feathers and red ear lobes.

To tell if an egg is raw or hard-cooked, spin it! If the egg spins easily, it is hard-cooked but if it wobbles, it is raw.

I’m begging you! STOP!

If an egg is accidentally dropped on the floor, sprinkle it heavily with salt for easy clean up.

Egg yolks are one of the few foods that naturally contain Vitamin D.

Yolk color depends on the diet of the hen. Natural yellow-orange substances such as marigold petals may be added to light-colored feeds to enhance colors. Artificial color additives are not permitted.

That’s it! One more and …

Occasionally, a hen will produce double-yolked eggs throughout her egg-laying career. It is rare, but not unusual, for a young hen to produce an egg with no yolk at all.

I’m gonna go clean my gun.